Wednesday, July 30, 2008
and some New equiptments.
The Day Mr. Kit Became GG and other reports.
Evening all loyal fans, this is ECCY bringing you the latest news after spending a day with the Club.
First breaking News...
Captain Kit has gone MAD!! Because of Jonathan Phang influence, Mr. Kit tried to imitate him and show him WHOS THE MAN. Mr. Kit bravely strode up to Mr. Gordon's table, in front of the class, and started trying to psycho the class to join his valuable club. This is a daring and tatical move by mr. kit to seek attention, a publicity stunt for his rising club. No doubt, he needs a new tatical manager and a publicity manager. Even when Mr. Gordon opened his eyes wide and stared at our Captain, Mr. Kit accepted this challenge and had a stare down competition to the extend of having a 'most hairy leg ' competition. I Shall not be too detailed about this.
Mr. Kit had also innovatively created a RubberBand Magic Show for SA primary school to try to raise funds for the club and to seek out youth players with talent. This publicity stunt had even went to the extend to 'counting the number of rubber band' on his finger. Maybe Mr. Kit should try the kindergarden, wait nursery, for this trick. I can also safely assume that the nursery kids would be able to see through this 'innovative' trick. Only one guy in the world won't be able to see through the trick and that is Mr. Kong Zhao L**ng. (His identity is altered to protect his privacy)
Next news, as we marched on our homeground for a little FCK U training session, several school team trial (STT) members came to challenge us. Soon, our club main rivals, Jasper Warriors, S1AsOne, all arrived. Seeing the common enemy on the field, we worked together towards a common target and challenged them. However a Double Edged betrayal soon happened....Captain Kit was turned to the dark side... along with AK who was attracted to join the STT which he is partly in already.
Mr. EE Rong was also seen going for trial for a spot to be on the FCK U team. He is now herby allowed to join us. His achievements: Allowed captain to score during penalty shoot out. Survived and blocked one of Bryan's RAM. Now it is up to ee rong's own free will to whether he would join us. We hope he would bring his sec2 brother into the club too to create a Imitation 'Loving Brother Combo'.
Next up... FCK Letter writting company has noted the poor equiptments of the team and has decided to sponsor a few players with new state of the art tools. AK and Elo followed by team's financial advisor Bryan went to kovan to buy new soccer shoe. This was paid by Mr. Kit, who was not there as he was working.
As stated in a interview for his graciousness "After looking at the condition of my players, and looking at Captain Kim new state of the art 'NIKE TOTAL 90" shooting shoe, i had decided its time. Its time to put in the new scheme of new jersy, shoe ETC ETC to improve our already powerful team. This pain in the heart is nothing compared to the glory of holding the Saints Premier League ( SPL) champion's cup in my hand at the end of the season. For FCK U!!!"
Lastly... for the bad news... Someone from our transfer nominee list was seen acting violently today. We do not know the reason for his untold violence but we are sorry to say he is out of our transfer list. He may try to apply again for a spot in the club in the future if he wants. Captain Kit has also once again reminded the team to behave appropriately, in training or elsewhere. Players whom are guilty of such offense are either given a warning, or in more serious cases, is kicked out of the team personally by the captain himself. So please, Try to maintain good behaviour at all times and uphold the longlasting reputation of Club FCK U.
Finally, Kawaii cuts is finally one of our sponsorer. They had requested to sponsor the team with 'Cool' haircuts every once in a while. Their name would be engraved on the team's official ball.
And reporting out, This is ECCY always with you. And again:
FCK letter writting company, quality letters for LIFE!!!!
10:01 PM
Saturday, July 26, 2008
This is A.Jacques here, we have found a song for the team already.
we will march onto the battlefield with the song All i need is you.by The click five.
apparently this song is the perfect title as there's only one person we ever need.
it's Fong Choon Kit. without him, we will be demoralised. without him, nobody will miss open goals.without him. there's won't be the team , the backstage crew, the many cleaners, and the priests, bible scholars, and we won't even have the RETARD!!
The lyrics of All i need is you..(brackets means echo)
You're scared
It shows
Been there
You're not prepared to be
Missing goals With me
So soon cause you've been through enough to have
Something hold you back
We don't need to go that far
Let's hold on to where we are
If it's real we'll miss more goals
Cause all I need is you(Choon kit!)
They say
Don't waste
Your time
They're obviously blind
So let's Forget
The words the thoughts they put into your head
Don't give up just yet
We don't need to go that far
Let's hold on to where we are
If it's real we'll miss more goals
Cause all I need is you(Choon kit!)
We don't need the world right now
We got time to miss some more
Hold on tight, I'll miss more goals
Cause all I need is --(Choon kit!)
Captain, maybe we should start somewhere
Captain, let me miss open goals
Before we have no chances
We don't need to go too far
Let's hold on to who we are
If it's real we'll make it through
Cause all I need is you(Choon kit!)
We don't need the world right now
We got time to miss it all
Hold on tight,
I'll hold on too
Cause all I need is you(Choon kit!)
All I need is you(Choon kit!)
All I need is you(Choon kit!)
this song was proudly jammed by the A.Jacques rocking room studios,
we hope this will be a source for our captain, Mr fong , to buy more players.
For now this is all tonight,
and reporting live from the F.C.K studios.
this is A.Jacques reporting, goodnight and sleep tight.
10:09 PM
Friday, July 25, 2008
Renewed Contracts
Attention everyone, breaking news has just been let out of the board room. Just a moment or two ago, Bryan and Elohim were discussing terms with our owner, manager, coach, captain, Choon Kit. Our 2 ever present players apart from Choon Kit have reportedly both agreed new deals offered by Choon Kit. Elohim has extended his stay at FCKUnited for another 1 month while Bryan has extended his for a further 5 weeks. They will not receive any further pay for their loyalty but will only be granted free admission to Kawaii Cutz ( Our captain's personal salon ). They both will have a wide choice of packages eg. The Curly package, the moehog package, the army package and the botak package. Of course its will be an honour to be visiting the captain's personal salon. But will Elohim and Bryan pose Choon Kit's hairdo? We will wait and see....
10:13 PM
Thursday, July 24, 2008
A very good evening to all, A.jacques here.
it's all heard, our latest targe that's close to signing on is our Bible Scholar Johnathan Phang as comfirmed by sources by the ECCY News .
We all also would like to proudly present the Chiong USA tv channels, where we would see him voting himself (only himself) as the president. But on the Channel we would also like A.Jacques Studios production. with his mighty camera crew(himself and phone) to film a very exciting advertisement! we already got the lines out! here it will be...
bryan scoring open goals
Bryan: hey choon kit.. i can't seem to miss any open goal? HOW? im demoralize!!
CK: No fear bryan, my trustworthy team mate. i will teach you how to miss open goals with a WOW.
Bryan : YAY CAPTAIN, it's so cool! The whole team shall feel energized by you missing that open goal!
CK: (kicks and miss open goal)
(guitar music inserted, choonkit's name flashes)
(flashes across the screen:)Fong choon kit. Captain/coach/owner of F.C.K United/F.C.K letter writings/F.C.K kopitiam, The inspiration, The core.
You'll never fall alone (for there's choon kit to fall with you)
A.Jacques Studios production.
ready to take over the world,
all over the headlines, choon kit is always scoring and scoring more goals(includes more open goals) and that this might mean something new! stay tune folks, for we're going to have a new tv station. includes the inspiring video, coming to you soon!
for the time being, it's A.Jacques here,
take care and goodbye.
8:10 PM
Latest On Our Squad
Due to Choon Kit's assertiveness, I am forced to work again. So this is Harry Dick proudly bringing to you the latest on our team. Players' lives is on today's menu. Therefore, its all about whats happening in the miserable lives of our 'talented' squad.
Bryan:
Our rampaging midfielder cum defender has expressed his thankfulness towards Choon Kit for starting him in every match till today and promises to give it his all for the sake of our desperate captain. According to our scouts (not Zhao Loong that kind) or 'spies', Bryan was recently spotted at Kawaii Cutz. (Choon Kit's personal salon) Truthfully, he wanted to imitate Choon Kit's hair-do. As he sat down on the chair, his attention was diverted to a picture of Jamie Carragher, causing him to daydream about being able to suceed Carragher at Liverpool. Thus, the barber rushed for time just shaved off most of his hair leaving him as spikey as a pocupine. That explains his 'worst hair-do' award.
Elohim:
Being desperate to impress the team captain, our shot-stopper or 'The blind man' has set his sights on finding and purchasing a pair of sunglasses which has 'F.C.K' imprinted on it. He roamed the streets of ChinaTown and ran along the roads of Smith Street but to no avail. Being so determined and focused on attaining his 'lethal weapon', Elohim fell sick and had asthma. That explains his heavy breathing whenever he exerts himself on the soccer pitch. I personally think he should now be known as 'The blind panther'. Get it??
Isaac:
Our one and only signing of the season was recently spotted in Chicago, Illinois attending a president's ceremony. Due to his uncontrollable laughter and immense level of humorism, he was appointed to participate in an American laughing contest. Not surprisingly, he 'owned' the other contestants and achieved a continuous laughing time of 234 minutes 43seconds. But what was more surprising is that after the contest, his face looked like it contained a 500 degree heater. This Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam(LTTE) laughing awarded will certainly take Isaac a step closer or maybe further from being the future President of the United States.
Arvindh:
The team's box to box midfielder nicnamed 'loudhailer' unfortunately had a very frustrating weekend. According to him, a dropping from the 'heavens' landed on his head while he was walking in India. The only bad thing about it was that it originated from a crow. Arvindh became so angry that he grabbed hold of the crow climed up to the 20th level of the nearest building and threw the crow out of the window. He added by saying,"That'll teach it a lesson."
Alvin:
The Team's goalkeeper is now out again on the run, he's suspected by many people , including the media and the police that he has beaten up a few uncles seating down at the chess table, stealing away their chess set and not only that, he also took the Uncle's/Ahpek chess society's one and only phone/camera. The ahpeks are all crying over this sad incident and that we're proud to annouce that Alvin's safe and sound hiding in the team F.C.K's team headquarters.
he was also caught quoting at the scene. "sorry ah peks, it's for my team, our letter writing cannot earn money.. sorry ah. sorry again... maybe i offer you zhao loong's intelligence for the phone."
Thats all for today's news on footballers' lives. The news on the other squad members will be reported in the coming days.
P.S. There have been rumours of Justin Mavericks agreeing a $2 fee from Fong United Choon Kit for the services of K.Sarravanan. More on this later....
But for now.... dont ever attempt getting 'scared half to death' twice, for the consequences may be undesirable.
5:12 PM
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
"WE REALLY NEED YOU!"
Hi all out there, this is ECCY again.
Today I am here to present the list of nominees for the prestigious club by Mr Kit himself. He had decided to loosen his purse strings as seen from the speech:
"In the SPL(saints premier league), to survive, we have to continously evolve, updating ourselves and seek new talents. I encourage all out there that have talent out there to join our club. Your loyalty would rewarded. Money is not a problem to me"
So here's the list for JULY norminees confirmed by Mr. Kit:
1)Jonathan Phang
2) Matthew Tang
3) Scott Aloyssious
4) The Kim family
1) Jonathan Phang AKA JonPang, is our next top nominee. Graduated from the BB Brotherhood christianity acadamy, he has shown great comittment to Christianity. He is the top scorer of all bible quizes, outpraying even Pastor Aaron. He is also rumoured to be a bible scholar and is seeking further studies. In class today, he had outtaught Mr Gordon in physics class, teaching all about coffee cooling rate. Further more, he is nominated as the most model student of SAS. Having him in the team would greatly increase FCK U reputation. We herby wish Pastor Aaron would ask his fellow brother in joining us. If Jonpang join, Aaron could finally retire from his pastor job and finally fufill his wish in becoming our team's Cheerleader, the dancer of God. We could also endorse Jonpang further bible studies courses to help him attain his Advance bible master degree, P.H.D., where he would come back as a better pastor to serve our club. (*note: JonPang has also a rare streak of violence)
Position: Senior Pastor, Tatical advisor/Teacher, Assistant Coach, negotiater
Price: $5 (negotiation available)
2) Matthew Tang has also made it into our nominee list. He has played against us in several matches and has proven his worth. He is a stout defender, blocking assualt after assualt relentessly. He is also known to have graduated from BB Brotherhood christainity acadamy.
He can bless the team in the midst of a heavy match and defend at the same time, a worthy defender of God.
Position: Hybrid pastor/defender
Price: $1 (able to nego)
3) Scott Aloyssious has been loaned by FCK U during several matches against Justin mavericks. His controlled agility and strengths in kicks has made him a worthy defender. He has been approached by Kong Zhao Long several times as zhao long mistakenly mistaken Scott as his beloved 'scout'.
Position : Defender
Price: $0.50 (able to nego)
4) Finally, nominated is The Kim Family, consisting of Jasper and Roy. It was rumoured Jasper and Roy were named by their father as so because of the famous soccer Star Jasper and Roy at that era. The combo of Jaser the noisy, the soloist and Roy the silent, the passer would be strongly valued. This would also cripple Jasper Warriors and Kim Knights of their captain. Having them would enable FCK U to win the SPL.
Position: Loving Brother's Tag Team Combo
Price: $10 (no nego)
So may i now present the worthy nominees of the month JULY! We hope more people would make an effort to be noticed by our club's scout (not zhao long scout) and join us. Once again money is not a problem.
Brought to you by -
"Fck letter writting company, Quality letters for LIFE!"
10:21 PM
Monday, July 21, 2008
A very good evening to all, this is A.Jacques here and we have the reports for today.
Today's training is cancelled due to bad weather and *missing* team ball,
team morales have dropped,
captain/coach has decided that soon we will have to go "oversea trips" for our pre-season training soon and that we will have to transfer more players in. well. we also have to have more team bonding outings to places such as little india, where we visit arvindh and kumar's family.
Chinatown is another alternative, where we can visit the captain's glorious lands.
we can visit the cows that goes back into captain's farm. and the wonderful building of F.C.K letter writings pte ltd.
or we can visit the old folks home/disabled home. where we can see a group of elohims that walks blindly together.
or we can all just visit the church and let aaron the priest bless us for our preseason trainings.
whatever it is! i hope we can enjoy our time out , as a team, for this period of time, be it long or short, i wish it forever.
well, i shall end off on a note that there might be a upcoming match against the Kim United ( roy and jk brothers and friends).
thats it all,
we thank our loyal fans, and that's it.
its A.Jaqcues reporting .
goodbye (x
9:05 PM
Sunday, July 20, 2008
The blog has gone all very quiet these few days. This would be probably due to A.Jacques, Harry Dick and ECCY going on strike against our team captain, Choon Kit. It is rumoured that Choon Kit has refused to pay all of them as they have been excessively criticising Choon Kit's skills and ability on the news. He apparently is very unhappy with them. Adding on to this misery, the blog's visitor count is rapidly deteriorating these few days. Only our captain's form has matched that rate of deterioation. 142 blog visits last Saturday ( 12th July ) and only just a week later today, 39 blog visits were recorded...
Has the reporters going on strike greatly affected the blog visit rate? Is someone chasing away our supporters behind the scenes? Or is it just Choon Kit's face???
Enough of unhappy news and Choon Kit's unprofessionality, lets move on to fun stuff. Its time for nicknames....
NICKNAMES
1) Alvin --- A.K. (Adultery King)
2) Issac --- Cheong Peng Yong
3) Elohim --- GOD or 'The Blind Man'
6) Aaron --- Chubby or Muthu
7) Zhao Loong --- UnChanged Boy
8) Bryan --- Beanpole
9) Choon Kit --- Torres
10) Arvindh --- Loud Hailer
50) Rakesh --- Nerd from Mars
5:09 PM
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Hi all out there, This is ECCY reporting. (
Sorry for late report)Yesterday, we had mainly 2 matches. Firstly, Justin teamed up with Captain Kit as they fought their main arch enemy, ST STormers. After a tough and gruelling time, we had finally ended with what seems like a draw.
The 2nd short match was against infiltrators from the JC. Amazingly, it was Captain Kim's BROTHER! the match aginst Captain Kim-EX was a difficult but short one. Against the more experienced, more power, more speed, IMPROVED version of Captain Kim, we had managed to win the match by a narrow score of 3-2! What a match!
I shall leave the exact details to Harry and A.jaques whom must be spending a long time writting a detailed report. Today, I shall report to you on the newly transfered player:
MR ISAAC CHEONG DEBUT!!
On friday, Pastor Aaron blessed Isaac for the first time for his debut. As Pastor Aaron Blessed Isaac by patting his back lightly, Isaac felt overwhelmed by this never before felt power and recoiled under Pastor's blessing touch. Seems like Isaac needs to get use to the method and power of blessing by Pastor Aaron.
Before the big game, Isaac was doing silent prayer in a room with Pastor Aaron.
"Feel The Power In you Isaac!!!!" - Pastor Aaron
"Relax, let the power of god calm your body and soul"
"Feel the difference in yourself, don't be overwhelmed by God's Power... you feel drowsy.. you are seing double images.."
"May Isaac Cheong Chiong swiftly like the WIND!!"
After the blessing ceremony, Aaron was drained of his power and refuses to bless any other people.
So this was how the lagacy and career of Isaac Cheong the chiongster Started...
3:42 PM
Thursday, July 17, 2008
A very good evening to all our fans waiting patiently for the long-awaited news.
CAPTAIN KIT HAS SCORED, 4 AMAZING GOALS .(INCLUDES A FEW OPEN GOALS)
omg, what amazing news. im sweating from this amazing feat, guess the hard training of FCK has really paid off, captain kit cooly slotting these goals home at close range, beating bryan, alvin and special guest keeper daryl!
well , lets get on to the news part of our match today.
it first started out as captain kit betraying the team, he joined Jasper warriors on a special Captain combo team, well , it has worked out fine as proven when captain kit scored 4 goals,
well, we were down 2-1, then back to 2-2, then 3-2 then 3-3.
before a gang of people arrived to play with us, well, we lost track and it turned out to be what is known as a 'mass brawl fight' . soon after we left because everybody couldn't take the hot sun, which captain kit is performing under, and was greatly upset when everybody left. now down to the interview
A.jaqcues: Captain Kit! GREAT GREAT CAPTAIN! tell us how you feel about the 4 goals you just scored?
Captain Kit™: well, DAMMIT, why everybody left so fast? i was on a rampage of goals, DAMMIT. i want to SHINE EVEN MORE!!@!
A.jacques: its okay, well . you got your 4 goals right? anyway how do you feel when you scored the goals?
Captain Kit™:well. you're right, i felt like CAPTAIN KIM, i feel i could command the world with my 4 mighty goals!@#!!!! WHY WAS THE MATCH STOPPED??? NOOOOOOOOOOO
A.Jacques: its better to stop interviewing the (whispers* madman) if not later i kena killed
(runs away)
Captain Kit ™: eh reporter.. wait.. my letterrr writing c o m p a n y y y y y y y (faint sounds)
it apparently sounds that captain kit makes use of interviews to publicise his letter writing company, well we shall move on .
Shocking news.
Kumar has again thrown a tantrum again , claiming he likes the number 1 number(apparently he thinks number 1 is the best and that he didn't know it was for the keeper) and he went to play for the keeper post in the testimonial match for Captain Combos and F.C.K w/o a captain .
he has so far been successful in blocking the many A powerful kick by AK, but he didn't block the A powerful kick with more accuracy by Bryan., well, he might as well be wearing the number 99 shirt next time, team FCK already has 3 keeper .. so if he wants, he can be number 4 hor -.-''
well, kumar also used his intelligent to figure out the reasons why keeping is safer
" since i started trying out keeping, my reflexes has increased and i now am not constantly being slided at , and my shoes are now safe from all the running and whatsoever tht can come in mind, im now 88.8292555% safer from injury and oh wait, if i wear petr cech's helmet im 99.6q45345% safe from injuries! wow . keeping is so safe!(whatever kumar). will we see him more trying to keep for the team?
well, transfer trails!
we have scouted down the amazing talents of nat from nat uniteds, we would want him in our team of professionals( hahaha) , will he signed on by Choon Kit as what i seen as the most valued player in the field today? his services can be paid for around $5 , will choon kit take out the money to finalize the deal? we just have to wait, so far he only had spent 20c on a 2nd team keeper,! isaac, whom will be making his debut against the match of Justin mavericks tommorow,!
All Fck members please have your rest for the interesting matchup of Justine Mavericks Vs F.C.K! will choon kit shine? will justin quit? LETS ALL SEE THE AMAZING CLASH OF THE TITANS!
JUSTIN VS CHOONKIT!
WHO IS DUMBER? we shall find out,
so long folks,
this is A.Jacques reporting from the FCK studios,
take care our dear fans~
8:28 PM
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Our Captain Still Stands Strong
HARRY DICK:
Just last week, our 'hopeless' captain got hit in the belly not once but TWICE by the force of Jasper Kim's shot. He was then seen clutching his stomach in pain and agony for a few minutes before returning to the field of play... to express his so called 'dummy' skills. But seriously, dont underestimate the art of mastering 'dummies', it was fate that only presented Choon Kit with this wonderful skill. And he is proud of it!! Which 'hopeless' person wouldnt be? By the way, that was not a joke...
Now returning to to Earth... a 2 hour training session was carried out on the hockey turf, our official training ground, which is no more than 4.728392cm away from our playing field, the Astro Turf. ( Figure courtesy of Rakesh, "our team nerd" ). The training menu for today comprised of 'Scoring open goals', '1 v 1 practice' and 'penalty taking'. Notice that these 3 are all necessary for strikers.... thats because the training session was organised specially for our team captain, who is in the midst of being nutured into another 'Torres'. 4 members turned up today.. Choon Kit, Bryan, Elohim and Alvin. Arvindh arrived a little late bringing along his hockey sticks as he had a scheduled gang fight a few hours after the traning session. Poor thing, he has so much reponsibilities. So for pete's sake, why cant Rakesh stop adding to Arvindh's stress rate. I really feel that he should stop chanting his formulaes and theories in our presence. What a truly lame individual....
During the training session, Choon Kit picked up a few tips from everyone, since he WAS, IS and WILL FOREVER be the lousiest player in the team. He learnt how to lift his foot up to kick the ball, run, walk, throw and catch the ball, sit, stand, jump, talk and of course breathe. Please forgive our dear captain's desperateness. But we no doubt have to ponder hard on how to really groom him into a world class player, as at the rate at which he is improving, he will still be throwing balls into the opponent's goal and attempting to master the art of scoring open goals 50 years down the road.
So everyone... We require your initiative and helpfulness. Please attempt to teach Choon Kit how to kick a ball whenever you are free and make sure you bind his hands while doing so as he may mistakingly throw the ball into the opponent's goal. Dont say I didnt warn you...
P.S. Choon Kit got hit in the head by Elohim's shot today... Is it just his luck or is Choon Kit a magnet?
6:11 PM
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
A very good evening to our loyal fans, this is A,jaques, live from the scene.
We have proudly today to say that most of our players(most except 1) has a dummy listening test today , see if we can hear properly the shouts of choon kit saying GOAL or NOOO.(which concludes usually is NOOO.) so well, there's no training today.
well, our hopes for tommorow's training is partially dashed as our ball is placed in the safe hands of Nat united captain (nat himself) and that he is amongst the evil of team 4st with people like(desmond,the ugliest monster). so we hope that captain nat can safeguard the ball safely for our captain, whom has utmost sentimental values of the ball,reminding him of Jimmy koh, his mentor.
well here's the transfer talk.
apparently our team captain has given out most of the number for our 'jerseys'.
1-alvin cech der sar
2-Isaac Buffon Cheong
3- Elohim 'lekgwathi lucky' Chor
7- kong scholes zhao loong
8 -Bryan Carragher Gerrard Wong
9- Fong torres choon kit(professional dummy, captain, owner, coach)
10- Arvindh fabregas rai
50- Rakesh Van persie rai(Kumar,our ronaldo that's wantaway)
now the transfer trail..
apparently kumar, the one that's constantly wanting to getaway and join newly formed club 'Jit united' (shit united) with his international teamate Jit, but Jit has to prepare a hefty fee of $5 for kumar, isit worth it? ?well, it's worthless talking about this, even jersey number supposely given the famous '7' was instead turned to 50, as the captain was out to flame him saying that he's worthless and given a big lousy number(for a attacking position)
now we have to look into the options of buying a defender/winger/sweeper, which we could well see the winger we are venturing into is into the scouts (not the zhao loong one) and they have found a left footed winger , soo ee rong, rusty yet reliable, he can find himself running down and doing accurate goals from mid-field. we have yet to contact his agent 'Alvin kang'(??!?! sounds familiar) for details..
well , a defender is still in the process of scouting, we hope we can get one soon enough..
once again , it's here with you A.Jacques, proudly live from the FCK media studios(you fans wish) , good evening and goodnights
8:34 PM
Monday, July 14, 2008
GOAL FOR CHOON KIT!!!
Good day mates, today's the 14th of July and we are almost mid way through the 2008 season. Not too long ago, FCK and his team marched up onto the field doing a Mexican dance along the way to commemorate Arvindh who was unable to turn up for the match due to Bhai reasons.....( Who knows? *shrugs* ). But Rakesh nonetheless turned up having decided to put aside his Bhai duties for today. He states that Choon Kit is way more important than his race.... The team welcomed Jit United( a.k.a. 'Shit United' ) for today's fixture.
So not much happenings during the course of the whole match at the 6th floor. Except that OUR TEAM CAPTAIN FINALLY ENDED HIS 4 GAME GOAL DROUGHT, by cooly lobbing the ball past Shaun. Bryan contributed 2 calmly slotted home goals. And of course...our ever reliant defender Elohim scored his first of the season! And what a goal it was.... He accurately drifted it into the bottom corner of the goal. Rakesh blocked a massive 5 shots and Aaron defended with both strength and balance. The match ended in a thrilling 4-4 draw and adding to that the ball flew out of bounds 4 times!!! Meaning that Jasper, Choon Kit, Shaun and Jedidiah had to walk 3 floors down to retrieve it.
Only Jedidiah came back empty-handed.... FCK, filled with initiative, then strategised a team search for the ball. After much misunderstandings and false theories as to where the ball was, Aaron finally spotted it amongst the bushes. Yay, for that eye-straining spot, Choon Kit has proudly awarded Aaron 50 goals which now makes him the top scorer of the team.
Harry Dick interviewed the team pastor and Elohim.
Harry,"So Elohim, how do you feel about scoring your first for FCK United?"
Elohim breathes heavily gasping for air," Today I got asthma so I cannot run much. Anyway, did I really score?I dont know la...I was up front when I saw a ball coming towards me so I just kicked it. Soon after that, Bryan and Choon Kit jumped on me and started celebrating. See la, stupid 6th floor court...make me cannot see the floor. Next time I must wear sunglasses to play sia. Now, I wont ever see my first goal for FCK United."
Harry,"Okay, what a way to score your first goal for FCK. Blindsided!!!Haha. Moving on... so Aaron how would you rate your debut for FCK United?"
Aaron," Is it really my debut?? Is it? Is it? Yes, finally this day has arrived. Thanks be to God. Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord!!"
Harry,"Ok.... So was it God's grace that led to you finding the ball?"
Aaron kneels down and says," Shhh, I'm giving thanks to the Lord. May the peace of the Lord be always with you."
Harry," And always with you.. I guess."
This ends anotherthrilling and exciting coverage of FCK match reports. Till next time, drive safely everyone and of course dont drink before you drive. ( I'm not only referring to alcohol! )
5:35 PM
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Our First Recruit Of The Season!!!
Hi all loyal FCK United jerks, I am Harry Dick reporting to you Live from FCK studios. "Oh look in the skies... Its a plane..."
" No, its a rocket..."
" No, its a spaceship..."
Unfortunately, its just Mr. Isaac Cheong, the future President of the United States.
Fong Choon Kit the team owner cum coach cum captain cum ballboy has just announced our first signing of the new season. Out of the blue, Isaac has put pen to paper on a new 3 week deal which means that our ever-reliant goalkeeper, Alvin, will have a number-2 in case he gets called up for international duties. The deal is confirmed to be worth around 20cents as Choon Kit reluctantly reached into his wallet for the fee.
Harry Dick interviewed both of them.
Harry," Tell me Choon Kit, have you finally signed a player who is lousier than you or will you continue to live up to your name as 'lousiest player in FCKUnited'?"
Choon Kit," How dare you talk to the next Torres in that manner? Better stop it or I will 'ole' you.. And this time I will make sure I kick the ball in between your legs and not miss the target and hit your face."
Harry apologises,"All hail the worthy captain, for I will not dare insult Thy brilliant talent again."
Choon Kit," Ok... Isaac is a top class goalkeeper. He can operate well both in goal and in the tennis court. -_-''. He is a unpredictable individual who could inject a little humour onto the traning ground when necessary. When an opponent player is charging towards goal, he will attempt to distract him by pointing a finger straight at his face and start to laugh like nobody else's business. These sort of talents will no doubt be welcomed to our restricted squad. Overall, I think he will be a great signing."
Harry," Isaac how do you feel about joining FCK United?"
Isaac points a finger at Harry and laughs," Hahaha..Harry. You name is so freaking funny. Ahahaha. Harry Dick. Ahahahahaha. WTF...do you really have a hairy dick? Hahahahahaha..."
Choon Kit has advised us to end the interview as according to the captain, Isaac's uncontrolled laughter will probably last for the next 10 minutes. So as the team's reporter, I hope that Isaac will bring light to the team. (Literally...to be able to see Arvindh and Rakesh in the dark). We hope that Zhao Loong's 'emo'ness will be overshadowed by Isaac's humour and lameness. Till next time, I am Harry Dick reporting to you live from the FCK studios.
2:48 PM
Thursday, July 10, 2008
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a very good evening to all our loyal fans and players and dummies(zhao loongg)
this is A.jacques here and im please to imform you all that harry dick is injured till sunday. (i WONDER why, hahahas.) okay.
today's team training is 'cancelled' due to the many meetings that our player's agents have arranged, for a better contract, better pay , better working hours.. we had it all discussed with out agents at the different places indivdually,well, before the meetings, we had a slight game, a mini version of training, where we see our players play along with guest eerong and jon.
so well, after that we went to our meetings and met again after our discussions.. then we played against players of our calibre..
firstly, we were happily playing until our team mate kong zhao loong has yet again breached the rules by bringing more then 5 guests to play with us, which is a servere punishment that our coach should look into. then we had to leave due to the pressure of the many un-desirable criminals, which our captain cannot tolerate.
today's training is a big miserable failure, which we will see the punishment of our most-crimes player, kong scholes zhao loong.
team captain posing with the ball
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emo captain.
team discussion for contracts,featuring jingkai..jpg)
9:56 PM
Hi all out there..
ECCY here again.
Today's report:
There is no training today due to the bad attendence we had recieved. However we still had a modified soccer mini game played at the 6th floor, a 4 on 3 match. This helps us to keep on form, pratice our shooting accuracy and ETC.
As of today, Mr. Kit has decided to give FCK U memebrs some Privileges !! Mr. Kit had decided to pay 10%* of any amount spent in SAS. Its simple and easy. Just produce the recipt of the spendings to Mr. Kit. and he would give you the CASH. So hurry and join us for such wonderful treats!
* Amount received would be rounded down to the nearest tenth.
*Recipt must be produced for discount to be valid. MUST HAVE RECIPT.
*One need to pay 100% of any 10% recieved to remain as a FCK U member to continue to enjoy such privileges.
8:13 PM
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Hi all today,
This is ECCY reporting. Here are the latest transfers rumours.
The approach on Captain Kim has proved futile, as we had a combined training with his team today to show him how well coordinated and how strong we are. However, the opposite of this happened. Firstly, he did a JK trademark on OUR valuable captain... which even he, the professional dummy can't dummy it. As our captain rolled in pain on the ground, the rest knew that transfers of Captain kim is not working well. As we moved on to the match, Captain KIm was further disgusted, furious about our ways and style of playing. After the match, i had a after-match interview with him:
captain kim... how was your combined training going? Are you impressed by the team and want to join them?
F@cking he11!!! They played dishonorably, a bunch of cheaters!!!
??
They slided me, rough takled me, steped on my hand and yet NO foul..., and when i did a gentle tackle or a legal slide.. they went around calling a foul!!!
I am not going to ever join them in their crusade for victory... F@cking He11!!!!! F@cking he11!!!!!
Oh... ok...
Further more.. they sent two FCK U members into my team.. Zhao Long & alvin(no error in spelling of his name).. they caused me to lose you know??? F@cking He11!!!!!! Zhao long missed one open goal.... Alvin let in alot of goals you know!!! F@cking He11!!! must be all preplanned one !!!!!
Ok ... thank you for your time captain kim.
OK... thus in conclusion... the chances of getting Captain kim is currently.... 100minus100 %(hope zhaolong can do it...the answer is 0%)
Another rumour i gathered is that utility player .. Aaron chua is going to leave!!!
Why do you want to leave FCK U?
Oh.. its because i can't commit time for it(imagine it said in a high squeaky.. maybe squealy voice)
Really??
Ok la.. its because.. i think FCK U the name ..sound too vulgar(wth).
Do you know FCK U can sue you for not completing the contract you signed?
Its ok. i am prepared to do it for the sake of being a christian.. not using
vulgarities.. anyway i have no pay..(ooi MR kit.. wheres our SALARY???)
Ok.. thank you for your time.
MAy the peace of the lord..be always with you.
Errr.. ok ..and also always with you.
Ok.. enough of depressing subjects. Next up.. we have FCK U official announcement.
ATTENTION
All fans should know that Benovelant(is it correct?) Mr Kit has decided to visit the orphanage this saturday for CIP. CIP points would be awarded duely. In this visit, we would put up demonstration games for the youths, and keep our eyes out for any potential FCK U members. MOST IMPORTANTLY, MR KIT IS GIVING OUT FREE SELF-SIGNED JERSEY(aaron squeals!!!)!!!!!! A MUST GO FOR FANS!!!!.
Announcement has been put up as well that only members that has at least 75% of attendence would be awarded CCA points. Therefore we strongly urge all of you members to turn up for all training session, especially you AARON. THANK YOU.
9:54 PM
Today brief reports, detailed reports are not out yet,
this is A.jacques reporting live from the scene itself(not quite live)
At the game against the jasper warriors combine training session, we see our captain being hitted down by 2 of the mighty kim™ trademark shots!first we saw choonkit down on the floor after a direct hit , and soon the next one when he's lying down crying in pain. Is this a sign that Captain kim is showing that he wants to take over the club as the next captain?!
soon we see zhao loong betrayed team F.C.K yet AGAIN willingly joined the jasper warriors, while we see ak joining the jasper warriors as their keeper reluctanly, crying out for foul .. well this is the time where elohim shows his powers against the jasper warriors.
the game ended 6-4 . before ak left for his california gyming session for bodybuilding, the game was on jasper warrior's lead at 4-3! what has caused this downfall? is it ak? where he pulled out 2 sensational tipped save against kumar's devastating tricks, and one saved of a thru pass.
well, this shows that ak still has quality in him even though he's demoralised that his country got knocked out in a friendly 7-2 loss.
and at the later part of the day we see an unknown player, a mighty left legger , teaming up with jasper warrior's captain , captain kim™ and thrasing the daylight out of the 2 F.C.K keepers with a score of 4-1! will he be on our target list? we have to find out soon!
well, that's all for the day, there's no transfer trails and no rumours today..
catch us soon tommorow! and leaving now is your truly one and only(he wishes) A.Jaques.
9:17 PM
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
THIS MESSAGE IS BROUGHT TO YOU PROUDLY BY fck letter writing ptd. ltd.
QUALITY LETtERS FOR LIFE!
ATTENTION
All training on the 8th of july has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances. Fans that has bought tickets for the match would be pleased to know that the match would be postponed to tomorrow, the 9th of july.
Sorry for any inconvinenced caused and sorry for Mr. Torres having to stay in Singapore one more day for the match.
6:52 PM
Harry dick and A.Jacques here! we're now sharing off our workloads for the break where most players have to find part time jobs!
Anyways we have found much rumours for the past 2 days!
There's no training today due to Elohim not bringing the team ball for training after our over-time work nowadays. Stressing us up even more.. Elohim please remember to bring tommorow..
Transfer trails as reported by Harry Dick!
It is out public! Jasper Warriors's captain/manager has hit it all out all over the seaweed world! He found a sponsor willing to publicise his product and he is now selling to use the money to transfer what is known as the world wide transfer record of $5 for what is our star winger Rakesh Kukumarmar who has hit home 7 goals in his last 5 outings! Is Captain Kim willing to hit the cheque book and pay the price for our star winger Kumar, who was also rumoured saying he seem to like play barefooted more and like wearing a 'white' jersey....
The product Captain Kim is producing.. is it edible?!
NEWS have rised! Jasper warriors is looking for yet another gk after their propelled project of Captain Kim seaweeds™ series.. Alvin kang/Elohim is seemingly their first target, and that they also have to rip open their cheque books for another big transfer.. leaving F.C.K united ripped of players but rich ... will F.C.K letter writing company produce enough to rise the salaries of their players to keep them there? Or will it be like Arsenal where they will have to keep selling their players for another 20year before rising their salaries???
If many players leave, Star defender/midfielder Bryan who chipped in 6 assists and 2 goals for their winning season , might be on the way out? Well, he's on the hefty price tag of $10, where Bryan seems to be the only one that Choon Kit can rely on, loyalty and skills. But will Bryan be blinded by the money? We just have to find out soon...
Now to the rumours heard around by our reporter A.Jacques.
Hello hello. very long no work..
Rumours ! The rapist is suspected to be kong zhao loong.. I wonder why did he want to rape a small kid? What's going in his criminal mind? When last week he betrayed team F.C.K and wore a 4s1 gang jersey playing against us and scored one goal against the shocked and stunned AK! Is this the mark of a Zhao loong leaving the F.C.K academies, where he grew through the ranks yet not respected by anyone.. The Punishments for him breaching the law and against the club, where he played for 4s1 gang!
The next rumour is that K.Sarravanan, the useless winger from justin mavericks, who seems to want to join the F.C.K united, is now over. Because our reporter heard him saying to a highly respected player of the club that he thinks the club is 'lame and cannot afford him' and that he will seek his future either at justin mavericks or at jasper warriors.
The trail for kumar seems to be more realistic now as he hit out against the MVP winner , captain Fong Choon Kit , and that Kumar thinks that he deserves it for scoring the goals to bring the team to glory, but teammate alvin kang has hit back at kumar that he is 'not needed' at the club for glory and that without team captain Choon Kit's inspiring and motivating speeches that Kumar would not have scored all his goals, and that Kumar should just shut his big mouth over his formulas on the price tag, goal bonuses, assist bonuses and his big bonus package, which F.C.K united cannot seem to pay him. This has lead to big clubs all around the region wanting kumar's services.
And Arvindh has yet again hit out on Kumar's injury as he lays in the hospital bed, and Arvindh was saying that Kumar's injury was a show and that he was caught 'Diving' when he was being beaten up in the library. Well , A.Jacques here thinks that why in the world would Arvindh know so much about the case and how he saw Kumar dive? Was he at the scene himself? The case is now blasted open to suspecting that arvindh might be the one ... but why would he wear a miniskirt?? Maybe not arvindh ... who knows? It might be Zhao Loong the lunatic.. right?
When will this internal F.C.K crisis stop? Will the team have fun,peace,love laughter and joy?
We have to wait for the team captain to speak up, and for now, this is A.Jacques and I have beside me, Harry Dick, ending this news report with a bang, ! goodbye
When will there be ever have happy times like this? as shown in an undated picture of captain choon kit and elohim having fun. (Dont miss our captains fake and pirated shoes )
6:20 PM
Sunday, July 06, 2008
MVP AWARDS 2008 (first month) Choon Kit!
He has done us proud by winning this award, and our interviewer A.Jacques, who is obviously angry that his job is now shared, interviewed our captain on what he has to say about this award.
A.Jacques:"So choon kit, how is it like to win the award?"
ChoonKit:" I firstly will like to thank all my teamates except zhao loong.. my letter writing company, my parents, and jimmy koh."
A.Jacques:" Hmmm, I understand why you will not thank Zhao Loong, but why Jimmy?"
ChoonKit:" It is because after taking his ball home after PE and playing it after school makes me realise i can be The Next Torres, missing 33 open goals in one season.. ^^"
9:43 PM
Lastest Transfer Talk
Hey everone, my name's Harry Dick s/o Dicky Kok. I have just been employed yesterday by the team owner, FCK. And I promise to equal if not better the reporting standards set by A. Jacques. Today's news update is solely based on transfer talk.... Its on whats happening internally and externally. So who's leaving and who's coming?
Firstly, the number one on FCK's list of transfer targets, Jasper Kim, looks set to stay at The Jasper Warriors despite the 80cent bid by our club. After the match between us and the Warriors, Jasper has raised his price tag to $1.80, probably due to the outstanding performances and finishing ability he showed against our club.
Jasper says proudly," If you want to secure my services, you've got to break the bank. Its either $1.80 or you dont get me. I'm currently the most on-form player out there and to get me, all you have to do is pay up. I'll promise to do my best at any club I'm at."
So taking into notice the financial problems the letter-writing company is experiencing, the probability of signing Jasper looks to be as slim as Choon Kit's chances of scoring an open goal. ( Btw he has only converted 1/4 this season ). So taking into consideration this incident, FCK looks likely to return to the market and find another talent to boost our restricted squad. K.Sarravanan and Jitesh looks the most likely to be on our shopping list.
Moving on... Rakesh has just expressed his fury and disappointment while he was lying in NoBraine Hospital.
Rakesh," After I get discharged from this god-forsaken place, I'll make myself open to negotiations. This is because even since I joined this club, I've been assaulted and made fun of numerous times. I have confirmed my decision and I'll leave it to the club to put a price tag on me. But mind you, I may change my mind about this."
Can FUnitedCK afford to lose our current top goalscorer? How much will FCK put on Rakesh's price tag? There is so much crisis taking place internally. Can this desperate club continue to strive on and make its name in history as the best club in the world. Currently, the answer is a big fat NO.
This is Harry Dick bringing to you FCKFC news.
3:03 PM
Saturday, July 05, 2008
ANOTHER BREAKING NEWS!
It's A.Jacques Reporting again (geez working at night), the latest news source found at the F.C.K letter writing company's Postbox, with a letter stating something about scouts.
A small boy was caught half naked on wednesday night near the scouts room , at the hockey pitch, where our home grounds are. The police is checking on the cctv at the mango tree in the hockey pitch.. who's the culprit?
The police have stated that the person's tall, walks clumsily, and at the midst of the rape, he acted like a goldfish, what IS that person?! who can ever be like that?
Here're the picture that the lousy cctv took and it can give you a slight idea on how he's like..
That day the Cctv lousy la, cannot capture the person properly, somemore target then block his face even more.. , the face detection technology too high tech, detect so many faces of i dunno what except the criminal..haiya.. our homegrounds cctv cannot be trusted now... see la.. F.C.K letters not earning enough, can only afford 2nd hand cctv.. this is what it become lor...
2 cases in 1 day... is saddening..
the cctv now process one picture.. take 5 hours.. i A.Jacques have to go home and feed my child.. no time.. so can only upload the next picture tommorow. so i hope that everybody, please keep a lookout for this serial rapist, before the next target is YOU!
11:41 PM
Breaking Weekend News....
Good evening, I'm A.Jacques. There has been some breaking news regarding FCKFC thats why I am on the job yet again. On a weekend!!!... Anyway, Rakesh has amazingly just been admitted to NoBraine Hospital. According to some passers-by at the International Library of Kukumarmar, Rakesh was browsing through some books when a person dressed in a black shirt and a skirt suddenly came from behing him and wrestled him down to the ground. ( I wouldnt be sure if the person actually wrestled him down. Giving Rakesh's weak body..=P ). The stranger continuously kicked Rakesh on the head, on his back and of course in the *****. ( Figure it out yourself ). When the mysterious stranger fleed away from the scene, someone noticed that she had very hairy legs and shaked her butt vigorously as she left. Giving that girls dont usually have VERY HAIRY LEGS, the stranger has got to be a male. But wearing a skirt..... Would be so cheeky enough to do that?
As Rakesh was being carried on a stretcher into the hospital, our reporter caught up with him.
Reporter,"Who would do such a thing to a brainy kid like you?"
Rakesh replied angrily,"I dont care who did it to me. I just dont want to admitted into NoBraine Hospital!!! I cant betray and cheat on my own intelligence. I just cant do it. I rather die than get treated here. Why cant I be taken to a 'brainier' hospital. Why...Why..Why???"
So now the big question is, who would be bold enough to whack up our team geek? Which guy would be ever so cheeky as to dress up as a girl and beat up Rakesh...and even shake his butt vigorously after that? If anyone has any information or is familiar with someone who acts like this stranger... please contact FCK's letter writing company. Any vital information will be traded with FCK's autograph. Thank you.
6:44 PM
Friday, July 04, 2008
Latest up to date news at night by A. Jacques !
Ak's International XI game.
Sadly team Saints lost to Team Banglah, at the score of 7-2.
there were 3 halves in this exciting match, where we see ak in the first half, losing the game at 2-1. 2 long shots and 2 not saved. dissapointing act! match ended 2-1 for ak, which sees him virtually a stable keeper.
that is it, hopefully, we'll see again,
10:26 PM
The Club Is Finally Back In Order ( Maybe not )
Good evening everyone, I am A. Jacques here proudly broadcasting the latest FCKFC news. Today's the 4th of July and I will covering the club's two matches played today. Coming up is also the man-of-the-match presentation and some post match interviews. Justin Mavericks and the 4S1 gang were our worthy opponents today. I will be covering both simultaneously.
Everyone played together for the first time since the start of the new campaign, thus reflecting the 2 good results we achieved today. Beating Justin Mavericks and the 4S1 gang by a score of 4-2 and 8-6 respectively. Standing out in both matches was our star winger Rakesh Kukumarmar Rai. He made an enormous contribution today including scoring a hatrick in the second game. Adding to that, he scored an outstanding goal. He skillfully dribbled past 4 players before calmly slotting it home. Round of applause for the team NERD!! Yays. Arvindh followed suit in the second game by putting 5 past their keeper but had an utterly disappointing first match. ( Maybe he was busy searching for his little brother?? Haha ) But nonetheless, a great performance by our debutant. He seems to have sorted out his misunderstandings with Rakesh. ( Well maybe... )
The rest of the team, I would say did not have as great a game as our two Bi-yis. Although... Bryan did contribue an extraordinary 5 assists. The rest of the team including our pathetic captain made no great contributions whatsoever. But we cant just point out that they all had a bad day. I would say they contributed ordinary performances. Anyway, Zhao Loong committed his services to the 4S1 gang in the second match and also scored a goal against us. What a betrayer!!! Boos for Zhao Loong.
Anyway, Alvin went to play a friendly for our school moments after the match. Lets hope he does not screw up like he did against the 4S1 gang. By the way, he got 'ole' twice, wasted about 5-6 goal kicks and got caught of his line when he went up-field to celebrate Rakesh's goal. C'mon school-team keeper. You can do better!!! -_-''
Moving on...after the match Rakesh was rewarded for his man-of-the-match performance with a can of 100plus. A.Jaques interviewed both hatrick heroes.
A. Jacques," So Rakesh how would you rate your performances today?"
Rakesh replied in an Italian accent,"Firstly, I would like to say that 100plus, a carbonated drink, will eventually result in one having high blood pressure and of course an abnormal amount of glucose in the body..."
A. Jacques interrupted sarcastically in also an Italian accent," Will you please answer my question..."
Rakesh fumed," Ok then. So much for revising my facts. I think that today was one of the best days of my life. Although nothing beats me winning a prize for being the school's nerdiest nerd. After calculating the statistics, I would rate my performance a 9.65373 out of 10. I would also like to say thank you to the coach for fielding me as a centre forward and of course placing emphasis on my finishing skills and not his. I eargerly await putting on even better performances for the team. But for now.. I have to revise the art of speaking Spanish to a donkey."
A. Jacques," Arvindh, has your hate for nerds faded after this performance?"
Arvindh,"Damn you Kukumarmar. You think you're so smart..."
At that moment, Arvindh gave Rakesh a push and he fell. He grabbed Rakesh's 100plus and glupped it all down.
Arvindh added," I'll prove to you that I will never get high blood pressure or an abnormal glucose level. I'll defy the all facts that you have learnt. I will make you regret all your life for studying so hard. Hahahahahaha..."
Just as Arvindh turned and walked away, this time doing a Mexican dance as he walked, Rakesh broke down in tears.
"Nooooooo. Is it true that all my efforts were to no avail? Is it really true?"
After saying that, he walked away. But I could still hear him chanting his additional mathematics formulas from a distance. What drama we have still going on in FCKFC. Will the captain resolve this problem and will Arvindh and Rakesh not play unless the other quits the club? Stay tuned to find out.... ( Now that ' Dang Dang Dang Dang ' tune is played )
5:02 PM
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Here's latest news on ak :
he did not turn up for training and he ran away to buy a pair of NEW boots for his International starting XI match, with a new pair of shin guards . he's prepared to dominate the match against Ba(nglah)lestier Hills International XI . well, he might do it , ak also bought a tube of body enchaning cream(tiger balm muscle ache cream) to enchance his reflexes for tommorow!
he will need alot of sleep for that match to be extremely successful. anyways lets stop about ak now; there's more interesting news then him!
Transfer Trail:
We're on our way to clinching the 'Mighty Kim' Jasper onto the home grounds of astro turf! will our coach/captain Mr. Fong afford the 18m price tag placed on him? recently his letter writing company/ sponsor of our team has not been receiving much business at all; is this the end?!
and we also have heard; the trails get more exciting! Kumar wants to leave!
he demands Champions League football!(more matches) He also wants his matches played barefooted! Rumours have spread he is ready to join Banglah Fc to join team mates Banglatesh(jitesh) and Kavi to a more exciting career!, where he is supported for playing barefooted! WIll he be at the top of his form without his shoes? but Mr fong placed a hefty 20m price tag! is Kumar really worth more then 'Mighty kim'? ! but it might be worth it as kumar has already scored 2 goals ,
Team captain Ck has raise doubts about keeping his many players as he Misses more and more open goals BUT he had slotted home a sweet home goal proudly assisted by today's man of the match Kong(scholes) zhao loong. Ck has to score more open goals in order to win the hearts of the many fans and his own teammate!
When will the team win their next match? is Ak needed to try and win their next match, will man of the match zhao loong play again? the performance needs to raise for the upcoming tougher competitions.
We have yet to hear the transfer rumours from alvin kang and bryan; will they leave? or will they stay and try to bring glory to F.C.K united and his letter writing companies?
well! stay tune to hear the news!
author for this post: alvinkang;
7:41 PM
Match Report : F.C.K.F.C vs The Jasper Warriors
Hello and welcome to FCK TV. Today's the 3rd of July and I am A. Jacques( A jack ass ) proudly bringing to you today's club news. I will be covering the details of our recent match against The Jasper Warriors, transfer rumours and of course training ground scuff-ups. =P
The line up for today against the Warriors was : Elohim, Bryan, Zhao Loong, Rakesh and Choon Kit. Its was an open game which produced a number of goals and of course INCIDENTS. But unfortunately and deservately, we lost by a narrow 5-3 margin. Our first goal was headed onto the upright and into the net by Bryan after a brilliant delivery into the area by Zhao Loong from a corner. Our second resulted from a scuffle which saw Bryan passing the ball to Rakesh even though he was on the ground. Rakesh went on to slot it home sweetly. Our third began from a counter-attack which saw Zhao Loong one v one against the keeper, Linus. But he unselfishly passed the ball to his right into the path of our captain which he calmly slotted into an open net.
Other major incidents during the match include our captain missing an open goal ( Whats New? ) and getting hit on the face by Jasper's shot. ( He was keeper for a while btw ) Bryan also screwed 3-4 good chances, Zhao Loong too accidentally threw the ball onto Elohim's arm when he tried to counter-attack while he was keeper. That resulted in a penalty which our opponents converted past Bryan. Last but not least, Ming Ze getting hit in the ass by 1 of Bryan's powerful rams. ( Ouch! )
But nonetheless, a great performance from our central midfielder, Zhao Loong, and therefore he was awarded with a can of coke for his man-of-the-match performance.
Our captain and Zhao Loong were interviewed after the match.
Choon Kit said," It really was a poor performance by me and the team. We hardly got our passing game right and ended up playing via route 1--long balls. As coach and captain, I will continue to train my team and find new tactics for our next match. Hopefully we can put up a better show next time around."
A. Jacques,"So are you planning to keep your missed open goals tally on the rise? Or will you try to improvise your shooting technique?"
Choon Kit replied,"Me missing open goals is not the main issue here. Whats definitely more important is to successfully train the team and discover a match tactic that will work."
Well obviously, he's missing the point. Is he is trying to say that Paul Robinson can successfully coach a team of goalkeepers how to catch th ball even if Paul himself cant? So why isnt Choon Kit coaching himself?
After being presented with the can of coke, Zhao Loong added in honour,"Thank you..Thank you arh. You very kind. Today I play very good leh. Got 2 assists. I pro arh?? Haha. Next time I will also play well and get a free coke. Can save $0.50. Yays."
Thats has to be a very complacent and awkward way to talk to the world. Moving on...
There has been some transfer speculation about the employment of 2 other players, Jitesh and Sarravanan. This was brought up as Jasper has raised his price tag by 1 million to a massive 1.8million. So will Choon Kit be able to fork out the cash to secure his services? Will his small and pathetic letter-writing company have sufficient funds? I guess not.
There has also been some scuffles on the training ground between Arvindh and Rakesh. Apparently when the team were jogging, Arvindh was irritated by Rakesh's face and he went up to him and said," Hey, I dont like nerds in my team. It makes me feel irritated. By the way, the smell and sight of them makes me want to puke too." Rakesh then retaliated by chanting his Additional Mathematics formulas.
Arvindh got so irritated that he took off his bip, threw it on Rakesh's face and stormed away from the training ground, shaking his butt intensely as if to say " NaNaNi ...PooPoo''.
This explains the absence of box-to-box and versertile midfielder, Arvindh, since the begining of the campaign. He plans to boycott matches and training sessions till he feels better.
Thats all for today. I am A. Jacques bringing to you reliable coverage of FCKFC news. Now off to my pimp industry...
7:00 PM
Reporting live from the field...
The FCK U V.S. Jasper warrior..
We losing 3-4....
The condition is bad...
Rainstorm Coming...
Reporting out
3:22 PM
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Hi all Out there....
I am the new news reporter recruited by FCK cooperations. This is to ensure the full coverage of the world calss FUnitedCK become world reknown. I have vision... soon we would be in the barclays premier league fighting with man-united and so....
One day... man-U manager called me... he said he had a dream of god whom told him he could ask him any question. Man U manager then asked " when would my club win the championship..". God said ",,, i see it in 1 years time.."
Chelsea manager then called me... apparently they had the same dream and asked the same question... and god replied.." i see it in 3 years time..."
Then amazingly.. i had the same dream with the same question by god... and i asked god..."When would FCK U win the championship...?" God then sadly shaked his head with tear in his eyes
then he said " I might not even live that long....."
COPYRIGHTED FROM AK
Ok... enough of these... rubbish. So for today Wednesday, July 02 2008... the second day of the month. FCK U had been existing for only like.. 1 week and rumors were heard all around. It was heard that Mr.Kong with award dumbest man of the match under his belt said " I do not want to be part of FCK U anymore...i want to join Kavy (if thats how u spell it ) or maybe even create a KZL empire... muhahaha... WHATS THAT BLACK THING ON THE FLOOR???? ARGHHH".
Rakeseh Kumar the Rai also said"I also want to quit this club.. to join the bangla champions !!!"
Elohim also claimed that he would like to join the Jasper warriors after the match that FCK U lost to him yesterday.
After much prompting.. they admittedly revealed the reason. Captain Fong was seen missing open goals after open goals even when at a few centimeters away and was see again yesterday... and it was not the first time.
"Why did you miss the open goal yesterday Mr Fong?"
"OH Jasper was pressuring me from behind"
"ok.... How about the time when we were fighting kavy team in the astro turf and won 4-1? you was seen missing an open goal again"
"OH no la... i did not intend to score. As the captain, i could not claim self-glory.. So i passed to jasper for him to score..."
"ok thank you for your time Mr Fong"
Today.. for such reasons the team was broken... training was cancelled. Bryan went for math competition... Rakesh went home studying... Elohim sat the team car with Aaron home(Car sponsored by aaron's mother), Zhao loong did not even realise what was happening. (too erm... not enough brain cell left after Chem spa expiriment today i presume)
Because of such reasons... morale has dropped, spirits were broken... would the FCK U team be able to stand up again?? Or would their win be when even god could not live that long? The team now lies in the balance of Mr. fong's playing tomorrow... where the Jasper warriors had arranged to meet for a rematch as asked by Elohim. Would the team make or break?? Tune in for more episode of : THE FCK U INTERNAL CRISIS
10:51 PM
A. Jacques here:
Today's the big day, the day where ak went for the World's best XI keeper position fitness test.
Everyone knows once he goes crazy he then has alot of stamina, then after that he'll run around whacking the ball for no reason. Okays lets go into details for the Fitness test results:
Firstly he went to take height and weight, he got a height of 168(wtf so short for a world best xi keeper -.-) then he got a weight of 62.5(wow, eat so much still not fat!) but he has an amazing 12.5% of fats in his body!! Amazingly fit.!
Lets move on, my heart rate is random, with my resting heart rate at 72bpm ! and the normal at 132/90+ / min!
Oh my. moving on, he did a amazing 24 push ups with many foul ones.
Then he went to do an aglilty test and had a 20second result(wtf -.- lousy like crap)
Then he went on to do the amazing jumping test( the gk test, the real deal)
He stands there and push the flaps at the height of 22! Then he went on and jump for a further height of 78! And the balance turns iut to be 56! oh my. Amazing skills! (bull shit)
Then he went on for the 3x20 m sprint. well he got a timing of around 3.494 s... which is wow. -.-
He then went on for the beep test, which is the final event! (the real deal + junior whopper + student meal deal) He had an amazing beep test score of 10.8( i beated many strikers and midfielders at their test , -.- why gk need run so much?! ak mad ah d= ) well, i guess you have to ask him yourself! hahah.
Thats all ! hahas! d=
7:50 PM
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
"Eh, that girl dam hot leh. Want to hire her or not for agency? All the guys sure like one. Then can earn big money.... Hahahahaha...(5 secs later).. Oh I'm sorry Mr Fong, I thought you were Mr Kok. Dont ask..I was just saying those things for fun..... Nononono I'm not a pimp. I work for you full time. I swear....Okokok, I'll get back to work.
Ok, its the 1st of June 2008 and I am A. Jacques( a.k.a 'A jack ass" ) the official news reporter hired by F.C.K. Today's my first day on the job and I assure everyone that I will provide up to date results and transfer rumours regarding F.C.K.F.C....
Just recently, team FCK took part in a match against The Jasper Warriors. Its was a gruelling encounter, but unfortunately we lost 4-1. You know why we lose???!!! You know why we lose??!!! Firstly, its all because of that Rakesh. He think he want to pose India during World Cup 1950...He play bare footed!! On concrete ground leh!! I think he study until siao liao...
Secondly, its partly Elohim's fault also la. He keep saying the he cannot see the floor, cause the Sun very bright. WTF he thinking?? Next time ask him go play at night better (nocturnal player). Lets see if he has night vision eyes...
That Bryan also bastard one... He think his shooting very pro. One time get the ball only want to ram at keeper. Next time better ask him go play with rams..then he can ram or maybe 'bleat' all he likes. (BTW..rams are sheep)
That bloody Alvin also dam playboy one. You know arh...when the game is running..he suddenly go whistle at girl.. then leave the goal open. Because of his acts, we conceded 2 goals!! Next time ask him join my company be pimp better! ( Oops I hope Mr Fong didnt hear that ).
Last and always least. Its all beacuse of the team captain himself!! Want to pose Torres also fail... Want to control ball also accidentally use hand.. Want to take penalty also miss the target.. Want to walk also fall down.. Want to sit down butt also can sink through the floor.. Want to score open goal also can MISS!!! WTF , this team is screwed up.....
OK thats all for match reports.
Now moving on to the transfer rumours.... After playing that match against The Jasper Warriors. Our scouts ( not Loong that kind of scouts ) have watched the performances of Jasper Kim the captain of the Warriors. Having consulted F.C.K letter writing company an 80cent bid has been confirmed to try and lure him to The Astro Turf (our home ground). Whether the bid will be accepted, we still do not know. Lets hope we will be able to add on to our 8-man squad.
Finally moving on to condom stuff....Oops I mean random stuff, Rakesh suffered a minor blow to the head while preparing for the match against The Jasper Warriors. Elohim, the 'blind man' ( cause he always cannot see the floor), apparently bounced the ball on the egde of a stair and it flew up to the next flight and hit Rakesh on the head. The ball continued to fly and it hit the noticeboard TWICE before finally landing in Elohim's hands. A real life pinball machine , I presume.
Thats all for today... By the way, P.C.K ( I did not type wrongly) , Phua Chu Kang, has agreed to advertise for F.C.K's letter writing company on this blog. He says :" You know arh, that F.C.K. letter writing skills very good arh.. Hehehehe. I want to complain about my arm pit very smelly so I wrote a letter to the Community Centre. A few days later, I got back a reply and it said ' Go and kick the bucket'. So I got a bucket and continuously kicked it.. but I accidentally kicked too hard and it bounced off the wall and kana my head. So I fainted. When I woke up I was in this cloudy place, filled with angels and gold. I felt like I was in heaven!'' P.C.K later said that he was very grateful to F.C.K's letter writing skills, but unfortunately he didnt know he was dead. I guess he was mesmorised by the beauty of heaven.
Thats all folks.
6:00 PM