Thursday, December 25, 2008
hohoho, merry christmas, this is captain santa , greetings from the home grounds of astro turfs!
i know we, FCK united have been missing for months, but we are actually secretly planning to defend our SA astro turf league title! we are working hard to bring in talents of many kind, regardless of isit a small little irritating kid from the street soccer court, or the power uncle from there, we're always expanding fck united, in bid of a world class team , in a world class home ground,
we have been delighted with the forms of elohim and many others, as we together has proven other teams wrong, so join us, in the next season of wonderful soccer played by fck united, managed by fck, and played alongside FCK himself!!
SO READERS, BRACE YOURSELF FOR THE YEAR 2009! CAPTAIN CHOON KIT WILL BLOW YOU ALL AWAY!!!
4:07 PM
Thursday, November 13, 2008
HOT NEW NEWS!!!!
I have just recieved a new news from LOBANGER Uncle Kang that the tournament is in Street soccer court! For more information you can visit http://kismisutd.blogspot.com/ or http://www.nebo.sg/community/sports.aspx
8:32 PM
IS IT TRUE?
Hi fans of FCKUnited. The academic examination of Ordinary('O's) soccer to test our theory skills are over! Now, eager to test our skills Mr. Kit's assistant captain Mr. Wong decides to put his theoratical skills of strategizing, boosting morale tatics, etc etc. on the field. So now with Uncle Kang our informer or 'lobanger' of lobangs, he had seeked a tournament for us.
This idea is still questionable. After a recent press meeting, we had a faint idea of the competition and secret formation:
Field soccer, 11 aside, $15 for whole team (?)
Def: 1. Alvin the Kangman (G.K)
2.Elo Him (RB)
3.Bryan (CB)
4. Issac Chiongster (LB)
5. AAAAHHron (CB Manwall)
Mid: 6. Kong Loong (LW)
7. EE Rongg (RW)
8. Aarvindh (CW)
9. Jasper Kim Bros (????!!!!!)
AtK: 10. Rakesh Rai (RF)
11. Legendary Mr. Kit (ST)
Other player being considered: Justin mavericks members
FCKU Youth academy
Mr. GG GG (???!!!!)
This is the current formation that is being considered. Any new information known would be updated on this blog.
8:09 PM
Monday, October 13, 2008
END SEASON TEAM PHOTO
Only 4SA Soccer members included.
(left to right): Aaron, Arvindh, Isaac, Kumarmar, Captain, Bryan, Zhao, Elohim
12:28 AM
Thursday, September 04, 2008
The world has ended, F.C.K united has fallen.
This is a brand new story, marking it as we have to collect and raise funds to buy a new As-famous-as-mr.kit BALL AGAIN!
(p.s. is a deflection from ak, not ak kick it into river)
well, we have to buy a new ball again as soon as possible and Mr .Kit have to think of more fund raising schemes..
12:31 PM
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
FCK U IS GONE WITH THE KICK FROM AK THAT SENT THE AS-FAMOUS-AS-MR. KIT MASCOTT BALL FLYING INTO THE RIVER, NEVER TO BE GOTTEN AGAIN................THIS IS THE END OF THE CLUB... OR IS IT?
11:23 PM
Monday, September 01, 2008
Hey everyone, this is Mr B.I.G giving you live cover of the second part to the sad saga of the adventures of Choon Kit and FCK United.
Mr GG was astounded by Mr Kit’s resilience and daring act of defiance. Fuming through his nostrils, he opened his eyes and starred at Choon Kit. His patented stare was renowned for striking fear in the hearts of his students. However, our brave and courageous captain was not deterred. Mr Kit accepted the challenge and stared back in defiance. Following that was an intense 10 minute stare down competition, with no one daring to do anything else. Mr Kit’s tenacity soon prevailed when Mr GG finally gave in and blinked. Though Mr Kit won the battle, we have lost the war. We were rounded up and detained.
*Our trusty reporters have attempted to cover this incident by reporting it as a harmless prank by Mr Kit.*
One by one, we were sent to detention camps where we were tortured by the infamous and sinister Iranian Chemist, commonly known as Chemical Yeo. There we were forced to confess or endure Chemical Yeo’s relentless chemistry remedial lessons and acidic breath.>.< Meanwhile, GG sent the entire NCC squad to smoke out the remaining FCK members in other classes. (Alvin was arrested while sun tanning with a group of girls)We were all rounded up and arrested. All of us were sentenced to death for high treason. We were doomed. This day was known as The Morning of Long Knives.
As all hope seemed lost, someone stepped up, someone so pure, that he was even clad in white…..
To be continued……..Stay tuned everyoneJLabels: Part 2
1:17 PM
Friday, August 29, 2008
PRE-SEASON'S UP AND RUNNING!!!
Been to River Nile, the Taj Mahal, Great Wall of China and South Africa during the summer vacation...But nothing beats the joy of being able to report and work for FCK United.
Wherever you guys went or whatever you all did during the summer, we will never ever be able to break away from the strong pulling force of FCK, our captain. "Once In FCK, FOREVER In FCK" as Choon kit used to warn us. So here we are, back in FCK headquarters, supporting our pathetic captain...
Without wasting any precious time, pre-season training got underway just a day after we returned from our summer vacations as our captain kept nagging about everyone having the need to stay fit in preparation for probably another tough and gruelling season. The first training session involved five of our members at the 'hockey pitch'. ( Elohim, Arvindh, Rakesh, Bryan and the captain himself ) . Reporters, as usual, gathered all around taking videos and photos of our captain in ACTION. But all was not entire;y fruitful for FCK....
Apparently during a training match between our club members...Rakesh had the ball in his grasp and Choon Kit and him were in a 2 v 1 situation against Bryan.
Choon Kit,"Rakesh!!Rakesh!!Pass the ball...I will score. I will not miss another open goal!!"
Obviously, Rakesh abided and slid a pass in the path of Choon Kit. Now Choon Kit had an unguarded goal to shoot at!! So he majestically took a step forward and shot at goal. ( This scene would turn out better if you imagined it in slow motion ). But to everyone's horror, the ball curled wide of the upright. Everyone was 'hands in heads' in disbelief. Reporters raced up to the captain...
Harry Dick overwhelmed with shock said,"Choon Kit... Wh...Wh...What happened?"
Captain however held his head up high and replied,"Didn't you guys know that I was a liar?? I was joking. I actually didnt mean to score that. I did not want to lower my teamates morale. Haha.."
At that moment, only Choon Kit's laughter could be heard. Everyone else was stunned and unable to utter a word.
This has brought about much controversy.. If Choon Kit is really a liar, then is what he said about being the next Torres really true? Either way, he will still be a failure. He either misses an open goal or will never be the next Torres. *Sighs*
P.S. Choon Kit was active during the summer though... Recruiting the likes of Ee Rong and K.Sarravanan. They would certainly be great additions. *Claps*
7:50 PM
Hey everyone, this is Mr B.I.G reporting late...
As you all might have already heard by mouth, numerous rumours that FCK has been permanently disbanded. Yes, with much regret, this is indeed true.
Its time to reveal the series of incidents that reduced the rising and promising FCK United to dust and rubble.
It all started during one faithful physics lesson. Mr Good Game was giving yet another monotonous lesson, driving our hyper active class to the verge of insanity with his ramblings, lame jokes and confusing explanations of the fundamentals of physics. Our beloved captain then decided to formulae a plan, no, an act of LIBERATION, for the sake of mankind’s future and the budding 4SA class of talents. It was codenamed Operation Valkyrie. The plan was simple, distract GG and Mr Kit would size GG’s throne of power and teach the class how to actually learn physics…..though he got like E8 for Physics….=.=
However, the plan had failed miserably. We had underestimated GG’s power. It seems he had a pool spies and informers, and was well aware of the Coup. As soon as Mr Kit got to the throne (and attempted to use the projector to teach physics though at times he seems more like performing a lame rubber band magic trick…but who knows? Never doubt our ever surprising and unpredictable captain!), a team of special commandos from Mr GG’s NCC army suddenly sprung up. With green and brown painted faces and armed to the teeth, these were obviously Mr GGs elite platoon They surrounded Mr Kit and held him at gun point, threatening to kill him if the other conspirators did not own up. We were obliged to reveal our secret identitiesL
“Huh? What happened? I thought got magic trick?” Zhao Long, as….decelerated as ever, was obviously oblivious to our current predicament.
“No! I cannot go to detention class! I got perfect record for good behaviour….my mommy will scold me..Sob..Sob….I got Hindi tuition later lah…and my nose very pain”, was Rakesh’s reaction.
Pastor Aaron could only kneel down and pray for a miracle to happen. From what it seems, even Divine Intervention would not help…
To be continued…..
1:20 PM
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
The team has stopped functioning but we will still be alumni of our own team.
which has no future players.(ironic)
well. goodbye F.C.K.
you'll never fall alone,
always in our hearts, the FCK flames burn brightly!
8:15 PM
Friday, August 01, 2008
Good evening world, This is A.jacques and here im bringing you the newest news there is any newer then the newer news you ever heard.
latest transfer
we got Eerong the winger/gk on a Chinatown free transfer, which that makes our coach having to pay only for his services. he has shown he can do it all by trying to keep imitating kong zhao loong's backheel™ , he has proved trusthworthy though he can leak out of his left back position and occasionally score own goals. which in dismay caught our international gk AK unaware.
We also have opened up a youth academy , with credits going to F.C.K letter writing company, quality letters for life ,which we see two promising players and a possible player of Eewei, the younger brother of latest transfer Eerong, which then can form the Lovely brother combo.
we have seen defensive talents in the shockingly short and weird character of Chadwyn, where he will constantly laugh at nobody for no apparent reason, but he can defend so well he need not close his eyes, he has also be proven to push the team up for attack sometimes.
we have also seen attacking talents in the abilities of shorter but mobile striker Timothy Zhang(imported directly from china) , he constantly move about the field with a smile on his face, which either scares or cheers up his oppenent, and might score occasionaly , not missing any open goals.
with up to 4 new players entering F.C.K united, the club is always constantly on the move to be a world class team of professional players, which we also do supply letter writing services too.
recently we have finished filiming the advertisement of Motivational speech .
we just have to wait for the men behind the scene in (black?) to finish up on the video.
well. we just have to wait.
today we had a match on our homegrounds , the astro turf, which we bought in mid 2008 for a price of 10c. and it has proven worthy for our stars to play on,
today we played against 4s1 united , which we see the common people, and have our precious gk AK injured on the ear by player Darren Neo of 4s1 united,
later in the match, when more unknown players joined in, we have been shocked by the fact that by then, we 're convinced everyone wants to hurt AK, that unknown noisy player JJ has hit out against him with a kick on the nose while AK was doing a dive-or-die save.
this in turns left AK knocked out and the match has to be stopped, as no offical time keeper took the time, the match was left un-recorded.
Then Ak recovered fast after drinking some drinks and played against the Kim Knights where the score was rumoured to be a draw, well we cannot accept this match as our captain was not there and that no proper match was conducted.
This week has been a busy week and that many people got injured, many interference of matches and many events taking place , well we hope during next week we will get lesser of all this nonsense, well , this is A.Jacques reporting live with the latest news and goodbye.
we'll see you again.
10:37 PM
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
and some New equiptments.
The Day Mr. Kit Became GG and other reports.
Evening all loyal fans, this is ECCY bringing you the latest news after spending a day with the Club.
First breaking News...
Captain Kit has gone MAD!! Because of Jonathan Phang influence, Mr. Kit tried to imitate him and show him WHOS THE MAN. Mr. Kit bravely strode up to Mr. Gordon's table, in front of the class, and started trying to psycho the class to join his valuable club. This is a daring and tatical move by mr. kit to seek attention, a publicity stunt for his rising club. No doubt, he needs a new tatical manager and a publicity manager. Even when Mr. Gordon opened his eyes wide and stared at our Captain, Mr. Kit accepted this challenge and had a stare down competition to the extend of having a 'most hairy leg ' competition. I Shall not be too detailed about this.
Mr. Kit had also innovatively created a RubberBand Magic Show for SA primary school to try to raise funds for the club and to seek out youth players with talent. This publicity stunt had even went to the extend to 'counting the number of rubber band' on his finger. Maybe Mr. Kit should try the kindergarden, wait nursery, for this trick. I can also safely assume that the nursery kids would be able to see through this 'innovative' trick. Only one guy in the world won't be able to see through the trick and that is Mr. Kong Zhao L**ng. (His identity is altered to protect his privacy)
Next news, as we marched on our homeground for a little FCK U training session, several school team trial (STT) members came to challenge us. Soon, our club main rivals, Jasper Warriors, S1AsOne, all arrived. Seeing the common enemy on the field, we worked together towards a common target and challenged them. However a Double Edged betrayal soon happened....Captain Kit was turned to the dark side... along with AK who was attracted to join the STT which he is partly in already.
Mr. EE Rong was also seen going for trial for a spot to be on the FCK U team. He is now herby allowed to join us. His achievements: Allowed captain to score during penalty shoot out. Survived and blocked one of Bryan's RAM. Now it is up to ee rong's own free will to whether he would join us. We hope he would bring his sec2 brother into the club too to create a Imitation 'Loving Brother Combo'.
Next up... FCK Letter writting company has noted the poor equiptments of the team and has decided to sponsor a few players with new state of the art tools. AK and Elo followed by team's financial advisor Bryan went to kovan to buy new soccer shoe. This was paid by Mr. Kit, who was not there as he was working.
As stated in a interview for his graciousness "After looking at the condition of my players, and looking at Captain Kim new state of the art 'NIKE TOTAL 90" shooting shoe, i had decided its time. Its time to put in the new scheme of new jersy, shoe ETC ETC to improve our already powerful team. This pain in the heart is nothing compared to the glory of holding the Saints Premier League ( SPL) champion's cup in my hand at the end of the season. For FCK U!!!"
Lastly... for the bad news... Someone from our transfer nominee list was seen acting violently today. We do not know the reason for his untold violence but we are sorry to say he is out of our transfer list. He may try to apply again for a spot in the club in the future if he wants. Captain Kit has also once again reminded the team to behave appropriately, in training or elsewhere. Players whom are guilty of such offense are either given a warning, or in more serious cases, is kicked out of the team personally by the captain himself. So please, Try to maintain good behaviour at all times and uphold the longlasting reputation of Club FCK U.
Finally, Kawaii cuts is finally one of our sponsorer. They had requested to sponsor the team with 'Cool' haircuts every once in a while. Their name would be engraved on the team's official ball.
And reporting out, This is ECCY always with you. And again:
FCK letter writting company, quality letters for LIFE!!!!
10:01 PM
Saturday, July 26, 2008
This is A.Jacques here, we have found a song for the team already.
we will march onto the battlefield with the song All i need is you.by The click five.
apparently this song is the perfect title as there's only one person we ever need.
it's Fong Choon Kit. without him, we will be demoralised. without him, nobody will miss open goals.without him. there's won't be the team , the backstage crew, the many cleaners, and the priests, bible scholars, and we won't even have the RETARD!!
The lyrics of All i need is you..(brackets means echo)
You're scared
It shows
Been there
You're not prepared to be
Missing goals With me
So soon cause you've been through enough to have
Something hold you back
We don't need to go that far
Let's hold on to where we are
If it's real we'll miss more goals
Cause all I need is you(Choon kit!)
They say
Don't waste
Your time
They're obviously blind
So let's Forget
The words the thoughts they put into your head
Don't give up just yet
We don't need to go that far
Let's hold on to where we are
If it's real we'll miss more goals
Cause all I need is you(Choon kit!)
We don't need the world right now
We got time to miss some more
Hold on tight, I'll miss more goals
Cause all I need is --(Choon kit!)
Captain, maybe we should start somewhere
Captain, let me miss open goals
Before we have no chances
We don't need to go too far
Let's hold on to who we are
If it's real we'll make it through
Cause all I need is you(Choon kit!)
We don't need the world right now
We got time to miss it all
Hold on tight,
I'll hold on too
Cause all I need is you(Choon kit!)
All I need is you(Choon kit!)
All I need is you(Choon kit!)
this song was proudly jammed by the A.Jacques rocking room studios,
we hope this will be a source for our captain, Mr fong , to buy more players.
For now this is all tonight,
and reporting live from the F.C.K studios.
this is A.Jacques reporting, goodnight and sleep tight.
10:09 PM
Friday, July 25, 2008
Renewed Contracts
Attention everyone, breaking news has just been let out of the board room. Just a moment or two ago, Bryan and Elohim were discussing terms with our owner, manager, coach, captain, Choon Kit. Our 2 ever present players apart from Choon Kit have reportedly both agreed new deals offered by Choon Kit. Elohim has extended his stay at FCKUnited for another 1 month while Bryan has extended his for a further 5 weeks. They will not receive any further pay for their loyalty but will only be granted free admission to Kawaii Cutz ( Our captain's personal salon ). They both will have a wide choice of packages eg. The Curly package, the moehog package, the army package and the botak package. Of course its will be an honour to be visiting the captain's personal salon. But will Elohim and Bryan pose Choon Kit's hairdo? We will wait and see....
10:13 PM
Thursday, July 24, 2008
A very good evening to all, A.jacques here.
it's all heard, our latest targe that's close to signing on is our Bible Scholar Johnathan Phang as comfirmed by sources by the ECCY News .
We all also would like to proudly present the Chiong USA tv channels, where we would see him voting himself (only himself) as the president. But on the Channel we would also like A.Jacques Studios production. with his mighty camera crew(himself and phone) to film a very exciting advertisement! we already got the lines out! here it will be...
bryan scoring open goals
Bryan: hey choon kit.. i can't seem to miss any open goal? HOW? im demoralize!!
CK: No fear bryan, my trustworthy team mate. i will teach you how to miss open goals with a WOW.
Bryan : YAY CAPTAIN, it's so cool! The whole team shall feel energized by you missing that open goal!
CK: (kicks and miss open goal)
(guitar music inserted, choonkit's name flashes)
(flashes across the screen:)Fong choon kit. Captain/coach/owner of F.C.K United/F.C.K letter writings/F.C.K kopitiam, The inspiration, The core.
You'll never fall alone (for there's choon kit to fall with you)
A.Jacques Studios production.
ready to take over the world,
all over the headlines, choon kit is always scoring and scoring more goals(includes more open goals) and that this might mean something new! stay tune folks, for we're going to have a new tv station. includes the inspiring video, coming to you soon!
for the time being, it's A.Jacques here,
take care and goodbye.
8:10 PM
Latest On Our Squad
Due to Choon Kit's assertiveness, I am forced to work again. So this is Harry Dick proudly bringing to you the latest on our team. Players' lives is on today's menu. Therefore, its all about whats happening in the miserable lives of our 'talented' squad.
Bryan:
Our rampaging midfielder cum defender has expressed his thankfulness towards Choon Kit for starting him in every match till today and promises to give it his all for the sake of our desperate captain. According to our scouts (not Zhao Loong that kind) or 'spies', Bryan was recently spotted at Kawaii Cutz. (Choon Kit's personal salon) Truthfully, he wanted to imitate Choon Kit's hair-do. As he sat down on the chair, his attention was diverted to a picture of Jamie Carragher, causing him to daydream about being able to suceed Carragher at Liverpool. Thus, the barber rushed for time just shaved off most of his hair leaving him as spikey as a pocupine. That explains his 'worst hair-do' award.
Elohim:
Being desperate to impress the team captain, our shot-stopper or 'The blind man' has set his sights on finding and purchasing a pair of sunglasses which has 'F.C.K' imprinted on it. He roamed the streets of ChinaTown and ran along the roads of Smith Street but to no avail. Being so determined and focused on attaining his 'lethal weapon', Elohim fell sick and had asthma. That explains his heavy breathing whenever he exerts himself on the soccer pitch. I personally think he should now be known as 'The blind panther'. Get it??
Isaac:
Our one and only signing of the season was recently spotted in Chicago, Illinois attending a president's ceremony. Due to his uncontrollable laughter and immense level of humorism, he was appointed to participate in an American laughing contest. Not surprisingly, he 'owned' the other contestants and achieved a continuous laughing time of 234 minutes 43seconds. But what was more surprising is that after the contest, his face looked like it contained a 500 degree heater. This Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam(LTTE) laughing awarded will certainly take Isaac a step closer or maybe further from being the future President of the United States.
Arvindh:
The team's box to box midfielder nicnamed 'loudhailer' unfortunately had a very frustrating weekend. According to him, a dropping from the 'heavens' landed on his head while he was walking in India. The only bad thing about it was that it originated from a crow. Arvindh became so angry that he grabbed hold of the crow climed up to the 20th level of the nearest building and threw the crow out of the window. He added by saying,"That'll teach it a lesson."
Alvin:
The Team's goalkeeper is now out again on the run, he's suspected by many people , including the media and the police that he has beaten up a few uncles seating down at the chess table, stealing away their chess set and not only that, he also took the Uncle's/Ahpek chess society's one and only phone/camera. The ahpeks are all crying over this sad incident and that we're proud to annouce that Alvin's safe and sound hiding in the team F.C.K's team headquarters.
he was also caught quoting at the scene. "sorry ah peks, it's for my team, our letter writing cannot earn money.. sorry ah. sorry again... maybe i offer you zhao loong's intelligence for the phone."
Thats all for today's news on footballers' lives. The news on the other squad members will be reported in the coming days.
P.S. There have been rumours of Justin Mavericks agreeing a $2 fee from Fong United Choon Kit for the services of K.Sarravanan. More on this later....
But for now.... dont ever attempt getting 'scared half to death' twice, for the consequences may be undesirable.
5:12 PM
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
"WE REALLY NEED YOU!"
Hi all out there, this is ECCY again.
Today I am here to present the list of nominees for the prestigious club by Mr Kit himself. He had decided to loosen his purse strings as seen from the speech:
"In the SPL(saints premier league), to survive, we have to continously evolve, updating ourselves and seek new talents. I encourage all out there that have talent out there to join our club. Your loyalty would rewarded. Money is not a problem to me"
So here's the list for JULY norminees confirmed by Mr. Kit:
1)Jonathan Phang
2) Matthew Tang
3) Scott Aloyssious
4) The Kim family
1) Jonathan Phang AKA JonPang, is our next top nominee. Graduated from the BB Brotherhood christianity acadamy, he has shown great comittment to Christianity. He is the top scorer of all bible quizes, outpraying even Pastor Aaron. He is also rumoured to be a bible scholar and is seeking further studies. In class today, he had outtaught Mr Gordon in physics class, teaching all about coffee cooling rate. Further more, he is nominated as the most model student of SAS. Having him in the team would greatly increase FCK U reputation. We herby wish Pastor Aaron would ask his fellow brother in joining us. If Jonpang join, Aaron could finally retire from his pastor job and finally fufill his wish in becoming our team's Cheerleader, the dancer of God. We could also endorse Jonpang further bible studies courses to help him attain his Advance bible master degree, P.H.D., where he would come back as a better pastor to serve our club. (*note: JonPang has also a rare streak of violence)
Position: Senior Pastor, Tatical advisor/Teacher, Assistant Coach, negotiater
Price: $5 (negotiation available)
2) Matthew Tang has also made it into our nominee list. He has played against us in several matches and has proven his worth. He is a stout defender, blocking assualt after assualt relentessly. He is also known to have graduated from BB Brotherhood christainity acadamy.
He can bless the team in the midst of a heavy match and defend at the same time, a worthy defender of God.
Position: Hybrid pastor/defender
Price: $1 (able to nego)
3) Scott Aloyssious has been loaned by FCK U during several matches against Justin mavericks. His controlled agility and strengths in kicks has made him a worthy defender. He has been approached by Kong Zhao Long several times as zhao long mistakenly mistaken Scott as his beloved 'scout'.
Position : Defender
Price: $0.50 (able to nego)
4) Finally, nominated is The Kim Family, consisting of Jasper and Roy. It was rumoured Jasper and Roy were named by their father as so because of the famous soccer Star Jasper and Roy at that era. The combo of Jaser the noisy, the soloist and Roy the silent, the passer would be strongly valued. This would also cripple Jasper Warriors and Kim Knights of their captain. Having them would enable FCK U to win the SPL.
Position: Loving Brother's Tag Team Combo
Price: $10 (no nego)
So may i now present the worthy nominees of the month JULY! We hope more people would make an effort to be noticed by our club's scout (not zhao long scout) and join us. Once again money is not a problem.
Brought to you by -
"Fck letter writting company, Quality letters for LIFE!"
10:21 PM
Monday, July 21, 2008
A very good evening to all, this is A.Jacques here and we have the reports for today.
Today's training is cancelled due to bad weather and *missing* team ball,
team morales have dropped,
captain/coach has decided that soon we will have to go "oversea trips" for our pre-season training soon and that we will have to transfer more players in. well. we also have to have more team bonding outings to places such as little india, where we visit arvindh and kumar's family.
Chinatown is another alternative, where we can visit the captain's glorious lands.
we can visit the cows that goes back into captain's farm. and the wonderful building of F.C.K letter writings pte ltd.
or we can visit the old folks home/disabled home. where we can see a group of elohims that walks blindly together.
or we can all just visit the church and let aaron the priest bless us for our preseason trainings.
whatever it is! i hope we can enjoy our time out , as a team, for this period of time, be it long or short, i wish it forever.
well, i shall end off on a note that there might be a upcoming match against the Kim United ( roy and jk brothers and friends).
thats it all,
we thank our loyal fans, and that's it.
its A.Jaqcues reporting .
goodbye (x
9:05 PM
Sunday, July 20, 2008
The blog has gone all very quiet these few days. This would be probably due to A.Jacques, Harry Dick and ECCY going on strike against our team captain, Choon Kit. It is rumoured that Choon Kit has refused to pay all of them as they have been excessively criticising Choon Kit's skills and ability on the news. He apparently is very unhappy with them. Adding on to this misery, the blog's visitor count is rapidly deteriorating these few days. Only our captain's form has matched that rate of deterioation. 142 blog visits last Saturday ( 12th July ) and only just a week later today, 39 blog visits were recorded...
Has the reporters going on strike greatly affected the blog visit rate? Is someone chasing away our supporters behind the scenes? Or is it just Choon Kit's face???
Enough of unhappy news and Choon Kit's unprofessionality, lets move on to fun stuff. Its time for nicknames....
NICKNAMES
1) Alvin --- A.K. (Adultery King)
2) Issac --- Cheong Peng Yong
3) Elohim --- GOD or 'The Blind Man'
6) Aaron --- Chubby or Muthu
7) Zhao Loong --- UnChanged Boy
8) Bryan --- Beanpole
9) Choon Kit --- Torres
10) Arvindh --- Loud Hailer
50) Rakesh --- Nerd from Mars
5:09 PM
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Hi all out there, This is ECCY reporting. (
Sorry for late report)Yesterday, we had mainly 2 matches. Firstly, Justin teamed up with Captain Kit as they fought their main arch enemy, ST STormers. After a tough and gruelling time, we had finally ended with what seems like a draw.
The 2nd short match was against infiltrators from the JC. Amazingly, it was Captain Kim's BROTHER! the match aginst Captain Kim-EX was a difficult but short one. Against the more experienced, more power, more speed, IMPROVED version of Captain Kim, we had managed to win the match by a narrow score of 3-2! What a match!
I shall leave the exact details to Harry and A.jaques whom must be spending a long time writting a detailed report. Today, I shall report to you on the newly transfered player:
MR ISAAC CHEONG DEBUT!!
On friday, Pastor Aaron blessed Isaac for the first time for his debut. As Pastor Aaron Blessed Isaac by patting his back lightly, Isaac felt overwhelmed by this never before felt power and recoiled under Pastor's blessing touch. Seems like Isaac needs to get use to the method and power of blessing by Pastor Aaron.
Before the big game, Isaac was doing silent prayer in a room with Pastor Aaron.
"Feel The Power In you Isaac!!!!" - Pastor Aaron
"Relax, let the power of god calm your body and soul"
"Feel the difference in yourself, don't be overwhelmed by God's Power... you feel drowsy.. you are seing double images.."
"May Isaac Cheong Chiong swiftly like the WIND!!"
After the blessing ceremony, Aaron was drained of his power and refuses to bless any other people.
So this was how the lagacy and career of Isaac Cheong the chiongster Started...
3:42 PM
Thursday, July 17, 2008
A very good evening to all our fans waiting patiently for the long-awaited news.
CAPTAIN KIT HAS SCORED, 4 AMAZING GOALS .(INCLUDES A FEW OPEN GOALS)
omg, what amazing news. im sweating from this amazing feat, guess the hard training of FCK has really paid off, captain kit cooly slotting these goals home at close range, beating bryan, alvin and special guest keeper daryl!
well , lets get on to the news part of our match today.
it first started out as captain kit betraying the team, he joined Jasper warriors on a special Captain combo team, well , it has worked out fine as proven when captain kit scored 4 goals,
well, we were down 2-1, then back to 2-2, then 3-2 then 3-3.
before a gang of people arrived to play with us, well, we lost track and it turned out to be what is known as a 'mass brawl fight' . soon after we left because everybody couldn't take the hot sun, which captain kit is performing under, and was greatly upset when everybody left. now down to the interview
A.jaqcues: Captain Kit! GREAT GREAT CAPTAIN! tell us how you feel about the 4 goals you just scored?
Captain Kit™: well, DAMMIT, why everybody left so fast? i was on a rampage of goals, DAMMIT. i want to SHINE EVEN MORE!!@!
A.jacques: its okay, well . you got your 4 goals right? anyway how do you feel when you scored the goals?
Captain Kit™:well. you're right, i felt like CAPTAIN KIM, i feel i could command the world with my 4 mighty goals!@#!!!! WHY WAS THE MATCH STOPPED??? NOOOOOOOOOOO
A.Jacques: its better to stop interviewing the (whispers* madman) if not later i kena killed
(runs away)
Captain Kit ™: eh reporter.. wait.. my letterrr writing c o m p a n y y y y y y y (faint sounds)
it apparently sounds that captain kit makes use of interviews to publicise his letter writing company, well we shall move on .
Shocking news.
Kumar has again thrown a tantrum again , claiming he likes the number 1 number(apparently he thinks number 1 is the best and that he didn't know it was for the keeper) and he went to play for the keeper post in the testimonial match for Captain Combos and F.C.K w/o a captain .
he has so far been successful in blocking the many A powerful kick by AK, but he didn't block the A powerful kick with more accuracy by Bryan., well, he might as well be wearing the number 99 shirt next time, team FCK already has 3 keeper .. so if he wants, he can be number 4 hor -.-''
well, kumar also used his intelligent to figure out the reasons why keeping is safer
" since i started trying out keeping, my reflexes has increased and i now am not constantly being slided at , and my shoes are now safe from all the running and whatsoever tht can come in mind, im now 88.8292555% safer from injury and oh wait, if i wear petr cech's helmet im 99.6q45345% safe from injuries! wow . keeping is so safe!(whatever kumar). will we see him more trying to keep for the team?
well, transfer trails!
we have scouted down the amazing talents of nat from nat uniteds, we would want him in our team of professionals( hahaha) , will he signed on by Choon Kit as what i seen as the most valued player in the field today? his services can be paid for around $5 , will choon kit take out the money to finalize the deal? we just have to wait, so far he only had spent 20c on a 2nd team keeper,! isaac, whom will be making his debut against the match of Justin mavericks tommorow,!
All Fck members please have your rest for the interesting matchup of Justine Mavericks Vs F.C.K! will choon kit shine? will justin quit? LETS ALL SEE THE AMAZING CLASH OF THE TITANS!
JUSTIN VS CHOONKIT!
WHO IS DUMBER? we shall find out,
so long folks,
this is A.Jacques reporting from the FCK studios,
take care our dear fans~
8:28 PM
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Our Captain Still Stands Strong
HARRY DICK:
Just last week, our 'hopeless' captain got hit in the belly not once but TWICE by the force of Jasper Kim's shot. He was then seen clutching his stomach in pain and agony for a few minutes before returning to the field of play... to express his so called 'dummy' skills. But seriously, dont underestimate the art of mastering 'dummies', it was fate that only presented Choon Kit with this wonderful skill. And he is proud of it!! Which 'hopeless' person wouldnt be? By the way, that was not a joke...
Now returning to to Earth... a 2 hour training session was carried out on the hockey turf, our official training ground, which is no more than 4.728392cm away from our playing field, the Astro Turf. ( Figure courtesy of Rakesh, "our team nerd" ). The training menu for today comprised of 'Scoring open goals', '1 v 1 practice' and 'penalty taking'. Notice that these 3 are all necessary for strikers.... thats because the training session was organised specially for our team captain, who is in the midst of being nutured into another 'Torres'. 4 members turned up today.. Choon Kit, Bryan, Elohim and Alvin. Arvindh arrived a little late bringing along his hockey sticks as he had a scheduled gang fight a few hours after the traning session. Poor thing, he has so much reponsibilities. So for pete's sake, why cant Rakesh stop adding to Arvindh's stress rate. I really feel that he should stop chanting his formulaes and theories in our presence. What a truly lame individual....
During the training session, Choon Kit picked up a few tips from everyone, since he WAS, IS and WILL FOREVER be the lousiest player in the team. He learnt how to lift his foot up to kick the ball, run, walk, throw and catch the ball, sit, stand, jump, talk and of course breathe. Please forgive our dear captain's desperateness. But we no doubt have to ponder hard on how to really groom him into a world class player, as at the rate at which he is improving, he will still be throwing balls into the opponent's goal and attempting to master the art of scoring open goals 50 years down the road.
So everyone... We require your initiative and helpfulness. Please attempt to teach Choon Kit how to kick a ball whenever you are free and make sure you bind his hands while doing so as he may mistakingly throw the ball into the opponent's goal. Dont say I didnt warn you...
P.S. Choon Kit got hit in the head by Elohim's shot today... Is it just his luck or is Choon Kit a magnet?
6:11 PM
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
A very good evening to our loyal fans, this is A,jaques, live from the scene.
We have proudly today to say that most of our players(most except 1) has a dummy listening test today , see if we can hear properly the shouts of choon kit saying GOAL or NOOO.(which concludes usually is NOOO.) so well, there's no training today.
well, our hopes for tommorow's training is partially dashed as our ball is placed in the safe hands of Nat united captain (nat himself) and that he is amongst the evil of team 4st with people like(desmond,the ugliest monster). so we hope that captain nat can safeguard the ball safely for our captain, whom has utmost sentimental values of the ball,reminding him of Jimmy koh, his mentor.
well here's the transfer talk.
apparently our team captain has given out most of the number for our 'jerseys'.
1-alvin cech der sar
2-Isaac Buffon Cheong
3- Elohim 'lekgwathi lucky' Chor
7- kong scholes zhao loong
8 -Bryan Carragher Gerrard Wong
9- Fong torres choon kit(professional dummy, captain, owner, coach)
10- Arvindh fabregas rai
50- Rakesh Van persie rai(Kumar,our ronaldo that's wantaway)
now the transfer trail..
apparently kumar, the one that's constantly wanting to getaway and join newly formed club 'Jit united' (shit united) with his international teamate Jit, but Jit has to prepare a hefty fee of $5 for kumar, isit worth it? ?well, it's worthless talking about this, even jersey number supposely given the famous '7' was instead turned to 50, as the captain was out to flame him saying that he's worthless and given a big lousy number(for a attacking position)
now we have to look into the options of buying a defender/winger/sweeper, which we could well see the winger we are venturing into is into the scouts (not the zhao loong one) and they have found a left footed winger , soo ee rong, rusty yet reliable, he can find himself running down and doing accurate goals from mid-field. we have yet to contact his agent 'Alvin kang'(??!?! sounds familiar) for details..
well , a defender is still in the process of scouting, we hope we can get one soon enough..
once again , it's here with you A.Jacques, proudly live from the FCK media studios(you fans wish) , good evening and goodnights
8:34 PM
Monday, July 14, 2008
GOAL FOR CHOON KIT!!!
Good day mates, today's the 14th of July and we are almost mid way through the 2008 season. Not too long ago, FCK and his team marched up onto the field doing a Mexican dance along the way to commemorate Arvindh who was unable to turn up for the match due to Bhai reasons.....( Who knows? *shrugs* ). But Rakesh nonetheless turned up having decided to put aside his Bhai duties for today. He states that Choon Kit is way more important than his race.... The team welcomed Jit United( a.k.a. 'Shit United' ) for today's fixture.
So not much happenings during the course of the whole match at the 6th floor. Except that OUR TEAM CAPTAIN FINALLY ENDED HIS 4 GAME GOAL DROUGHT, by cooly lobbing the ball past Shaun. Bryan contributed 2 calmly slotted home goals. And of course...our ever reliant defender Elohim scored his first of the season! And what a goal it was.... He accurately drifted it into the bottom corner of the goal. Rakesh blocked a massive 5 shots and Aaron defended with both strength and balance. The match ended in a thrilling 4-4 draw and adding to that the ball flew out of bounds 4 times!!! Meaning that Jasper, Choon Kit, Shaun and Jedidiah had to walk 3 floors down to retrieve it.
Only Jedidiah came back empty-handed.... FCK, filled with initiative, then strategised a team search for the ball. After much misunderstandings and false theories as to where the ball was, Aaron finally spotted it amongst the bushes. Yay, for that eye-straining spot, Choon Kit has proudly awarded Aaron 50 goals which now makes him the top scorer of the team.
Harry Dick interviewed the team pastor and Elohim.
Harry,"So Elohim, how do you feel about scoring your first for FCK United?"
Elohim breathes heavily gasping for air," Today I got asthma so I cannot run much. Anyway, did I really score?I dont know la...I was up front when I saw a ball coming towards me so I just kicked it. Soon after that, Bryan and Choon Kit jumped on me and started celebrating. See la, stupid 6th floor court...make me cannot see the floor. Next time I must wear sunglasses to play sia. Now, I wont ever see my first goal for FCK United."
Harry,"Okay, what a way to score your first goal for FCK. Blindsided!!!Haha. Moving on... so Aaron how would you rate your debut for FCK United?"
Aaron," Is it really my debut?? Is it? Is it? Yes, finally this day has arrived. Thanks be to God. Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord!!"
Harry,"Ok.... So was it God's grace that led to you finding the ball?"
Aaron kneels down and says," Shhh, I'm giving thanks to the Lord. May the peace of the Lord be always with you."
Harry," And always with you.. I guess."
This ends anotherthrilling and exciting coverage of FCK match reports. Till next time, drive safely everyone and of course dont drink before you drive. ( I'm not only referring to alcohol! )
5:35 PM
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Our First Recruit Of The Season!!!
Hi all loyal FCK United jerks, I am Harry Dick reporting to you Live from FCK studios. "Oh look in the skies... Its a plane..."
" No, its a rocket..."
" No, its a spaceship..."
Unfortunately, its just Mr. Isaac Cheong, the future President of the United States.
Fong Choon Kit the team owner cum coach cum captain cum ballboy has just announced our first signing of the new season. Out of the blue, Isaac has put pen to paper on a new 3 week deal which means that our ever-reliant goalkeeper, Alvin, will have a number-2 in case he gets called up for international duties. The deal is confirmed to be worth around 20cents as Choon Kit reluctantly reached into his wallet for the fee.
Harry Dick interviewed both of them.
Harry," Tell me Choon Kit, have you finally signed a player who is lousier than you or will you continue to live up to your name as 'lousiest player in FCKUnited'?"
Choon Kit," How dare you talk to the next Torres in that manner? Better stop it or I will 'ole' you.. And this time I will make sure I kick the ball in between your legs and not miss the target and hit your face."
Harry apologises,"All hail the worthy captain, for I will not dare insult Thy brilliant talent again."
Choon Kit," Ok... Isaac is a top class goalkeeper. He can operate well both in goal and in the tennis court. -_-''. He is a unpredictable individual who could inject a little humour onto the traning ground when necessary. When an opponent player is charging towards goal, he will attempt to distract him by pointing a finger straight at his face and start to laugh like nobody else's business. These sort of talents will no doubt be welcomed to our restricted squad. Overall, I think he will be a great signing."
Harry," Isaac how do you feel about joining FCK United?"
Isaac points a finger at Harry and laughs," Hahaha..Harry. You name is so freaking funny. Ahahaha. Harry Dick. Ahahahahaha. WTF...do you really have a hairy dick? Hahahahahaha..."
Choon Kit has advised us to end the interview as according to the captain, Isaac's uncontrolled laughter will probably last for the next 10 minutes. So as the team's reporter, I hope that Isaac will bring light to the team. (Literally...to be able to see Arvindh and Rakesh in the dark). We hope that Zhao Loong's 'emo'ness will be overshadowed by Isaac's humour and lameness. Till next time, I am Harry Dick reporting to you live from the FCK studios.
2:48 PM
Thursday, July 10, 2008
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a very good evening to all our loyal fans and players and dummies(zhao loongg)
this is A.jacques here and im please to imform you all that harry dick is injured till sunday. (i WONDER why, hahahas.) okay.
today's team training is 'cancelled' due to the many meetings that our player's agents have arranged, for a better contract, better pay , better working hours.. we had it all discussed with out agents at the different places indivdually,well, before the meetings, we had a slight game, a mini version of training, where we see our players play along with guest eerong and jon.
so well, after that we went to our meetings and met again after our discussions.. then we played against players of our calibre..
firstly, we were happily playing until our team mate kong zhao loong has yet again breached the rules by bringing more then 5 guests to play with us, which is a servere punishment that our coach should look into. then we had to leave due to the pressure of the many un-desirable criminals, which our captain cannot tolerate.
today's training is a big miserable failure, which we will see the punishment of our most-crimes player, kong scholes zhao loong.
team captain posing with the ball
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emo captain.
team discussion for contracts,featuring jingkai..jpg)
9:56 PM
Hi all out there..
ECCY here again.
Today's report:
There is no training today due to the bad attendence we had recieved. However we still had a modified soccer mini game played at the 6th floor, a 4 on 3 match. This helps us to keep on form, pratice our shooting accuracy and ETC.
As of today, Mr. Kit has decided to give FCK U memebrs some Privileges !! Mr. Kit had decided to pay 10%* of any amount spent in SAS. Its simple and easy. Just produce the recipt of the spendings to Mr. Kit. and he would give you the CASH. So hurry and join us for such wonderful treats!
* Amount received would be rounded down to the nearest tenth.
*Recipt must be produced for discount to be valid. MUST HAVE RECIPT.
*One need to pay 100% of any 10% recieved to remain as a FCK U member to continue to enjoy such privileges.
8:13 PM
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Hi all today,
This is ECCY reporting. Here are the latest transfers rumours.
The approach on Captain Kim has proved futile, as we had a combined training with his team today to show him how well coordinated and how strong we are. However, the opposite of this happened. Firstly, he did a JK trademark on OUR valuable captain... which even he, the professional dummy can't dummy it. As our captain rolled in pain on the ground, the rest knew that transfers of Captain kim is not working well. As we moved on to the match, Captain KIm was further disgusted, furious about our ways and style of playing. After the match, i had a after-match interview with him:
captain kim... how was your combined training going? Are you impressed by the team and want to join them?
F@cking he11!!! They played dishonorably, a bunch of cheaters!!!
??
They slided me, rough takled me, steped on my hand and yet NO foul..., and when i did a gentle tackle or a legal slide.. they went around calling a foul!!!
I am not going to ever join them in their crusade for victory... F@cking He11!!!!! F@cking he11!!!!!
Oh... ok...
Further more.. they sent two FCK U members into my team.. Zhao Long & alvin(no error in spelling of his name).. they caused me to lose you know??? F@cking He11!!!!!! Zhao long missed one open goal.... Alvin let in alot of goals you know!!! F@cking He11!!! must be all preplanned one !!!!!
Ok ... thank you for your time captain kim.
OK... thus in conclusion... the chances of getting Captain kim is currently.... 100minus100 %(hope zhaolong can do it...the answer is 0%)
Another rumour i gathered is that utility player .. Aaron chua is going to leave!!!
Why do you want to leave FCK U?
Oh.. its because i can't commit time for it(imagine it said in a high squeaky.. maybe squealy voice)
Really??
Ok la.. its because.. i think FCK U the name ..sound too vulgar(wth).
Do you know FCK U can sue you for not completing the contract you signed?
Its ok. i am prepared to do it for the sake of being a christian.. not using
vulgarities.. anyway i have no pay..(ooi MR kit.. wheres our SALARY???)
Ok.. thank you for your time.
MAy the peace of the lord..be always with you.
Errr.. ok ..and also always with you.
Ok.. enough of depressing subjects. Next up.. we have FCK U official announcement.
ATTENTION
All fans should know that Benovelant(is it correct?) Mr Kit has decided to visit the orphanage this saturday for CIP. CIP points would be awarded duely. In this visit, we would put up demonstration games for the youths, and keep our eyes out for any potential FCK U members. MOST IMPORTANTLY, MR KIT IS GIVING OUT FREE SELF-SIGNED JERSEY(aaron squeals!!!)!!!!!! A MUST GO FOR FANS!!!!.
Announcement has been put up as well that only members that has at least 75% of attendence would be awarded CCA points. Therefore we strongly urge all of you members to turn up for all training session, especially you AARON. THANK YOU.
9:54 PM
Today brief reports, detailed reports are not out yet,
this is A.jacques reporting live from the scene itself(not quite live)
At the game against the jasper warriors combine training session, we see our captain being hitted down by 2 of the mighty kim™ trademark shots!first we saw choonkit down on the floor after a direct hit , and soon the next one when he's lying down crying in pain. Is this a sign that Captain kim is showing that he wants to take over the club as the next captain?!
soon we see zhao loong betrayed team F.C.K yet AGAIN willingly joined the jasper warriors, while we see ak joining the jasper warriors as their keeper reluctanly, crying out for foul .. well this is the time where elohim shows his powers against the jasper warriors.
the game ended 6-4 . before ak left for his california gyming session for bodybuilding, the game was on jasper warrior's lead at 4-3! what has caused this downfall? is it ak? where he pulled out 2 sensational tipped save against kumar's devastating tricks, and one saved of a thru pass.
well, this shows that ak still has quality in him even though he's demoralised that his country got knocked out in a friendly 7-2 loss.
and at the later part of the day we see an unknown player, a mighty left legger , teaming up with jasper warrior's captain , captain kim™ and thrasing the daylight out of the 2 F.C.K keepers with a score of 4-1! will he be on our target list? we have to find out soon!
well, that's all for the day, there's no transfer trails and no rumours today..
catch us soon tommorow! and leaving now is your truly one and only(he wishes) A.Jaques.
9:17 PM
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
THIS MESSAGE IS BROUGHT TO YOU PROUDLY BY fck letter writing ptd. ltd.
QUALITY LETtERS FOR LIFE!
ATTENTION
All training on the 8th of july has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances. Fans that has bought tickets for the match would be pleased to know that the match would be postponed to tomorrow, the 9th of july.
Sorry for any inconvinenced caused and sorry for Mr. Torres having to stay in Singapore one more day for the match.
6:52 PM
Harry dick and A.Jacques here! we're now sharing off our workloads for the break where most players have to find part time jobs!
Anyways we have found much rumours for the past 2 days!
There's no training today due to Elohim not bringing the team ball for training after our over-time work nowadays. Stressing us up even more.. Elohim please remember to bring tommorow..
Transfer trails as reported by Harry Dick!
It is out public! Jasper Warriors's captain/manager has hit it all out all over the seaweed world! He found a sponsor willing to publicise his product and he is now selling to use the money to transfer what is known as the world wide transfer record of $5 for what is our star winger Rakesh Kukumarmar who has hit home 7 goals in his last 5 outings! Is Captain Kim willing to hit the cheque book and pay the price for our star winger Kumar, who was also rumoured saying he seem to like play barefooted more and like wearing a 'white' jersey....
The product Captain Kim is producing.. is it edible?!
NEWS have rised! Jasper warriors is looking for yet another gk after their propelled project of Captain Kim seaweeds™ series.. Alvin kang/Elohim is seemingly their first target, and that they also have to rip open their cheque books for another big transfer.. leaving F.C.K united ripped of players but rich ... will F.C.K letter writing company produce enough to rise the salaries of their players to keep them there? Or will it be like Arsenal where they will have to keep selling their players for another 20year before rising their salaries???
If many players leave, Star defender/midfielder Bryan who chipped in 6 assists and 2 goals for their winning season , might be on the way out? Well, he's on the hefty price tag of $10, where Bryan seems to be the only one that Choon Kit can rely on, loyalty and skills. But will Bryan be blinded by the money? We just have to find out soon...
Now to the rumours heard around by our reporter A.Jacques.
Hello hello. very long no work..
Rumours ! The rapist is suspected to be kong zhao loong.. I wonder why did he want to rape a small kid? What's going in his criminal mind? When last week he betrayed team F.C.K and wore a 4s1 gang jersey playing against us and scored one goal against the shocked and stunned AK! Is this the mark of a Zhao loong leaving the F.C.K academies, where he grew through the ranks yet not respected by anyone.. The Punishments for him breaching the law and against the club, where he played for 4s1 gang!
The next rumour is that K.Sarravanan, the useless winger from justin mavericks, who seems to want to join the F.C.K united, is now over. Because our reporter heard him saying to a highly respected player of the club that he thinks the club is 'lame and cannot afford him' and that he will seek his future either at justin mavericks or at jasper warriors.
The trail for kumar seems to be more realistic now as he hit out against the MVP winner , captain Fong Choon Kit , and that Kumar thinks that he deserves it for scoring the goals to bring the team to glory, but teammate alvin kang has hit back at kumar that he is 'not needed' at the club for glory and that without team captain Choon Kit's inspiring and motivating speeches that Kumar would not have scored all his goals, and that Kumar should just shut his big mouth over his formulas on the price tag, goal bonuses, assist bonuses and his big bonus package, which F.C.K united cannot seem to pay him. This has lead to big clubs all around the region wanting kumar's services.
And Arvindh has yet again hit out on Kumar's injury as he lays in the hospital bed, and Arvindh was saying that Kumar's injury was a show and that he was caught 'Diving' when he was being beaten up in the library. Well , A.Jacques here thinks that why in the world would Arvindh know so much about the case and how he saw Kumar dive? Was he at the scene himself? The case is now blasted open to suspecting that arvindh might be the one ... but why would he wear a miniskirt?? Maybe not arvindh ... who knows? It might be Zhao Loong the lunatic.. right?
When will this internal F.C.K crisis stop? Will the team have fun,peace,love laughter and joy?
We have to wait for the team captain to speak up, and for now, this is A.Jacques and I have beside me, Harry Dick, ending this news report with a bang, ! goodbye
When will there be ever have happy times like this? as shown in an undated picture of captain choon kit and elohim having fun. (Dont miss our captains fake and pirated shoes )
6:20 PM
Sunday, July 06, 2008
MVP AWARDS 2008 (first month) Choon Kit!
He has done us proud by winning this award, and our interviewer A.Jacques, who is obviously angry that his job is now shared, interviewed our captain on what he has to say about this award.
A.Jacques:"So choon kit, how is it like to win the award?"
ChoonKit:" I firstly will like to thank all my teamates except zhao loong.. my letter writing company, my parents, and jimmy koh."
A.Jacques:" Hmmm, I understand why you will not thank Zhao Loong, but why Jimmy?"
ChoonKit:" It is because after taking his ball home after PE and playing it after school makes me realise i can be The Next Torres, missing 33 open goals in one season.. ^^"
9:43 PM
Lastest Transfer Talk
Hey everone, my name's Harry Dick s/o Dicky Kok. I have just been employed yesterday by the team owner, FCK. And I promise to equal if not better the reporting standards set by A. Jacques. Today's news update is solely based on transfer talk.... Its on whats happening internally and externally. So who's leaving and who's coming?
Firstly, the number one on FCK's list of transfer targets, Jasper Kim, looks set to stay at The Jasper Warriors despite the 80cent bid by our club. After the match between us and the Warriors, Jasper has raised his price tag to $1.80, probably due to the outstanding performances and finishing ability he showed against our club.
Jasper says proudly," If you want to secure my services, you've got to break the bank. Its either $1.80 or you dont get me. I'm currently the most on-form player out there and to get me, all you have to do is pay up. I'll promise to do my best at any club I'm at."
So taking into notice the financial problems the letter-writing company is experiencing, the probability of signing Jasper looks to be as slim as Choon Kit's chances of scoring an open goal. ( Btw he has only converted 1/4 this season ). So taking into consideration this incident, FCK looks likely to return to the market and find another talent to boost our restricted squad. K.Sarravanan and Jitesh looks the most likely to be on our shopping list.
Moving on... Rakesh has just expressed his fury and disappointment while he was lying in NoBraine Hospital.
Rakesh," After I get discharged from this god-forsaken place, I'll make myself open to negotiations. This is because even since I joined this club, I've been assaulted and made fun of numerous times. I have confirmed my decision and I'll leave it to the club to put a price tag on me. But mind you, I may change my mind about this."
Can FUnitedCK afford to lose our current top goalscorer? How much will FCK put on Rakesh's price tag? There is so much crisis taking place internally. Can this desperate club continue to strive on and make its name in history as the best club in the world. Currently, the answer is a big fat NO.
This is Harry Dick bringing to you FCKFC news.
3:03 PM
Saturday, July 05, 2008
ANOTHER BREAKING NEWS!
It's A.Jacques Reporting again (geez working at night), the latest news source found at the F.C.K letter writing company's Postbox, with a letter stating something about scouts.
A small boy was caught half naked on wednesday night near the scouts room , at the hockey pitch, where our home grounds are. The police is checking on the cctv at the mango tree in the hockey pitch.. who's the culprit?
The police have stated that the person's tall, walks clumsily, and at the midst of the rape, he acted like a goldfish, what IS that person?! who can ever be like that?
Here're the picture that the lousy cctv took and it can give you a slight idea on how he's like..
That day the Cctv lousy la, cannot capture the person properly, somemore target then block his face even more.. , the face detection technology too high tech, detect so many faces of i dunno what except the criminal..haiya.. our homegrounds cctv cannot be trusted now... see la.. F.C.K letters not earning enough, can only afford 2nd hand cctv.. this is what it become lor...
2 cases in 1 day... is saddening..
the cctv now process one picture.. take 5 hours.. i A.Jacques have to go home and feed my child.. no time.. so can only upload the next picture tommorow. so i hope that everybody, please keep a lookout for this serial rapist, before the next target is YOU!
11:41 PM
Breaking Weekend News....
Good evening, I'm A.Jacques. There has been some breaking news regarding FCKFC thats why I am on the job yet again. On a weekend!!!... Anyway, Rakesh has amazingly just been admitted to NoBraine Hospital. According to some passers-by at the International Library of Kukumarmar, Rakesh was browsing through some books when a person dressed in a black shirt and a skirt suddenly came from behing him and wrestled him down to the ground. ( I wouldnt be sure if the person actually wrestled him down. Giving Rakesh's weak body..=P ). The stranger continuously kicked Rakesh on the head, on his back and of course in the *****. ( Figure it out yourself ). When the mysterious stranger fleed away from the scene, someone noticed that she had very hairy legs and shaked her butt vigorously as she left. Giving that girls dont usually have VERY HAIRY LEGS, the stranger has got to be a male. But wearing a skirt..... Would be so cheeky enough to do that?
As Rakesh was being carried on a stretcher into the hospital, our reporter caught up with him.
Reporter,"Who would do such a thing to a brainy kid like you?"
Rakesh replied angrily,"I dont care who did it to me. I just dont want to admitted into NoBraine Hospital!!! I cant betray and cheat on my own intelligence. I just cant do it. I rather die than get treated here. Why cant I be taken to a 'brainier' hospital. Why...Why..Why???"
So now the big question is, who would be bold enough to whack up our team geek? Which guy would be ever so cheeky as to dress up as a girl and beat up Rakesh...and even shake his butt vigorously after that? If anyone has any information or is familiar with someone who acts like this stranger... please contact FCK's letter writing company. Any vital information will be traded with FCK's autograph. Thank you.
6:44 PM
Friday, July 04, 2008
Latest up to date news at night by A. Jacques !
Ak's International XI game.
Sadly team Saints lost to Team Banglah, at the score of 7-2.
there were 3 halves in this exciting match, where we see ak in the first half, losing the game at 2-1. 2 long shots and 2 not saved. dissapointing act! match ended 2-1 for ak, which sees him virtually a stable keeper.
that is it, hopefully, we'll see again,
10:26 PM
The Club Is Finally Back In Order ( Maybe not )
Good evening everyone, I am A. Jacques here proudly broadcasting the latest FCKFC news. Today's the 4th of July and I will covering the club's two matches played today. Coming up is also the man-of-the-match presentation and some post match interviews. Justin Mavericks and the 4S1 gang were our worthy opponents today. I will be covering both simultaneously.
Everyone played together for the first time since the start of the new campaign, thus reflecting the 2 good results we achieved today. Beating Justin Mavericks and the 4S1 gang by a score of 4-2 and 8-6 respectively. Standing out in both matches was our star winger Rakesh Kukumarmar Rai. He made an enormous contribution today including scoring a hatrick in the second game. Adding to that, he scored an outstanding goal. He skillfully dribbled past 4 players before calmly slotting it home. Round of applause for the team NERD!! Yays. Arvindh followed suit in the second game by putting 5 past their keeper but had an utterly disappointing first match. ( Maybe he was busy searching for his little brother?? Haha ) But nonetheless, a great performance by our debutant. He seems to have sorted out his misunderstandings with Rakesh. ( Well maybe... )
The rest of the team, I would say did not have as great a game as our two Bi-yis. Although... Bryan did contribue an extraordinary 5 assists. The rest of the team including our pathetic captain made no great contributions whatsoever. But we cant just point out that they all had a bad day. I would say they contributed ordinary performances. Anyway, Zhao Loong committed his services to the 4S1 gang in the second match and also scored a goal against us. What a betrayer!!! Boos for Zhao Loong.
Anyway, Alvin went to play a friendly for our school moments after the match. Lets hope he does not screw up like he did against the 4S1 gang. By the way, he got 'ole' twice, wasted about 5-6 goal kicks and got caught of his line when he went up-field to celebrate Rakesh's goal. C'mon school-team keeper. You can do better!!! -_-''
Moving on...after the match Rakesh was rewarded for his man-of-the-match performance with a can of 100plus. A.Jaques interviewed both hatrick heroes.
A. Jacques," So Rakesh how would you rate your performances today?"
Rakesh replied in an Italian accent,"Firstly, I would like to say that 100plus, a carbonated drink, will eventually result in one having high blood pressure and of course an abnormal amount of glucose in the body..."
A. Jacques interrupted sarcastically in also an Italian accent," Will you please answer my question..."
Rakesh fumed," Ok then. So much for revising my facts. I think that today was one of the best days of my life. Although nothing beats me winning a prize for being the school's nerdiest nerd. After calculating the statistics, I would rate my performance a 9.65373 out of 10. I would also like to say thank you to the coach for fielding me as a centre forward and of course placing emphasis on my finishing skills and not his. I eargerly await putting on even better performances for the team. But for now.. I have to revise the art of speaking Spanish to a donkey."
A. Jacques," Arvindh, has your hate for nerds faded after this performance?"
Arvindh,"Damn you Kukumarmar. You think you're so smart..."
At that moment, Arvindh gave Rakesh a push and he fell. He grabbed Rakesh's 100plus and glupped it all down.
Arvindh added," I'll prove to you that I will never get high blood pressure or an abnormal glucose level. I'll defy the all facts that you have learnt. I will make you regret all your life for studying so hard. Hahahahahaha..."
Just as Arvindh turned and walked away, this time doing a Mexican dance as he walked, Rakesh broke down in tears.
"Nooooooo. Is it true that all my efforts were to no avail? Is it really true?"
After saying that, he walked away. But I could still hear him chanting his additional mathematics formulas from a distance. What drama we have still going on in FCKFC. Will the captain resolve this problem and will Arvindh and Rakesh not play unless the other quits the club? Stay tuned to find out.... ( Now that ' Dang Dang Dang Dang ' tune is played )
5:02 PM
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Here's latest news on ak :
he did not turn up for training and he ran away to buy a pair of NEW boots for his International starting XI match, with a new pair of shin guards . he's prepared to dominate the match against Ba(nglah)lestier Hills International XI . well, he might do it , ak also bought a tube of body enchaning cream(tiger balm muscle ache cream) to enchance his reflexes for tommorow!
he will need alot of sleep for that match to be extremely successful. anyways lets stop about ak now; there's more interesting news then him!
Transfer Trail:
We're on our way to clinching the 'Mighty Kim' Jasper onto the home grounds of astro turf! will our coach/captain Mr. Fong afford the 18m price tag placed on him? recently his letter writing company/ sponsor of our team has not been receiving much business at all; is this the end?!
and we also have heard; the trails get more exciting! Kumar wants to leave!
he demands Champions League football!(more matches) He also wants his matches played barefooted! Rumours have spread he is ready to join Banglah Fc to join team mates Banglatesh(jitesh) and Kavi to a more exciting career!, where he is supported for playing barefooted! WIll he be at the top of his form without his shoes? but Mr fong placed a hefty 20m price tag! is Kumar really worth more then 'Mighty kim'? ! but it might be worth it as kumar has already scored 2 goals ,
Team captain Ck has raise doubts about keeping his many players as he Misses more and more open goals BUT he had slotted home a sweet home goal proudly assisted by today's man of the match Kong(scholes) zhao loong. Ck has to score more open goals in order to win the hearts of the many fans and his own teammate!
When will the team win their next match? is Ak needed to try and win their next match, will man of the match zhao loong play again? the performance needs to raise for the upcoming tougher competitions.
We have yet to hear the transfer rumours from alvin kang and bryan; will they leave? or will they stay and try to bring glory to F.C.K united and his letter writing companies?
well! stay tune to hear the news!
author for this post: alvinkang;
7:41 PM
Match Report : F.C.K.F.C vs The Jasper Warriors
Hello and welcome to FCK TV. Today's the 3rd of July and I am A. Jacques( A jack ass ) proudly bringing to you today's club news. I will be covering the details of our recent match against The Jasper Warriors, transfer rumours and of course training ground scuff-ups. =P
The line up for today against the Warriors was : Elohim, Bryan, Zhao Loong, Rakesh and Choon Kit. Its was an open game which produced a number of goals and of course INCIDENTS. But unfortunately and deservately, we lost by a narrow 5-3 margin. Our first goal was headed onto the upright and into the net by Bryan after a brilliant delivery into the area by Zhao Loong from a corner. Our second resulted from a scuffle which saw Bryan passing the ball to Rakesh even though he was on the ground. Rakesh went on to slot it home sweetly. Our third began from a counter-attack which saw Zhao Loong one v one against the keeper, Linus. But he unselfishly passed the ball to his right into the path of our captain which he calmly slotted into an open net.
Other major incidents during the match include our captain missing an open goal ( Whats New? ) and getting hit on the face by Jasper's shot. ( He was keeper for a while btw ) Bryan also screwed 3-4 good chances, Zhao Loong too accidentally threw the ball onto Elohim's arm when he tried to counter-attack while he was keeper. That resulted in a penalty which our opponents converted past Bryan. Last but not least, Ming Ze getting hit in the ass by 1 of Bryan's powerful rams. ( Ouch! )
But nonetheless, a great performance from our central midfielder, Zhao Loong, and therefore he was awarded with a can of coke for his man-of-the-match performance.
Our captain and Zhao Loong were interviewed after the match.
Choon Kit said," It really was a poor performance by me and the team. We hardly got our passing game right and ended up playing via route 1--long balls. As coach and captain, I will continue to train my team and find new tactics for our next match. Hopefully we can put up a better show next time around."
A. Jacques,"So are you planning to keep your missed open goals tally on the rise? Or will you try to improvise your shooting technique?"
Choon Kit replied,"Me missing open goals is not the main issue here. Whats definitely more important is to successfully train the team and discover a match tactic that will work."
Well obviously, he's missing the point. Is he is trying to say that Paul Robinson can successfully coach a team of goalkeepers how to catch th ball even if Paul himself cant? So why isnt Choon Kit coaching himself?
After being presented with the can of coke, Zhao Loong added in honour,"Thank you..Thank you arh. You very kind. Today I play very good leh. Got 2 assists. I pro arh?? Haha. Next time I will also play well and get a free coke. Can save $0.50. Yays."
Thats has to be a very complacent and awkward way to talk to the world. Moving on...
There has been some transfer speculation about the employment of 2 other players, Jitesh and Sarravanan. This was brought up as Jasper has raised his price tag by 1 million to a massive 1.8million. So will Choon Kit be able to fork out the cash to secure his services? Will his small and pathetic letter-writing company have sufficient funds? I guess not.
There has also been some scuffles on the training ground between Arvindh and Rakesh. Apparently when the team were jogging, Arvindh was irritated by Rakesh's face and he went up to him and said," Hey, I dont like nerds in my team. It makes me feel irritated. By the way, the smell and sight of them makes me want to puke too." Rakesh then retaliated by chanting his Additional Mathematics formulas.
Arvindh got so irritated that he took off his bip, threw it on Rakesh's face and stormed away from the training ground, shaking his butt intensely as if to say " NaNaNi ...PooPoo''.
This explains the absence of box-to-box and versertile midfielder, Arvindh, since the begining of the campaign. He plans to boycott matches and training sessions till he feels better.
Thats all for today. I am A. Jacques bringing to you reliable coverage of FCKFC news. Now off to my pimp industry...
7:00 PM